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Jett Superior laid this on you on || December 19, 2000 || 8:03 am

Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m the girl who despises country music.

Welllllll, okay, I dig innovators and bad boys, so I wholeheartedly groove on Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline, John Anderson, Dolly Parton, Emmylou Harris, K. T. Oslin and Willie Nelson (listen to his music sometime….his songwriting ability rivals and defeats most any of the modern-day ‘greats’ and if you listen past the twang, who wouldn’t KILL for a voice like that??) I even dig Olivia Newton-John’s earliest offerings, which were very country….I DARE you to listen to ‘Please Mister Please’ and not be moved to sing along. But the rest of them, especially modern country ‘artists’ (I loudly object to confusing the terms artist and performer, ya know?) can go blow a goat, with the exclusion of Travis Tritt.

That having been said, I can tell you what I was gonna tell you now.

I was listening to the local country music station this morning while taking offspring #1 and #2 to school (they are so fucking spoiled…why don’t I make them ride the bus instead of freezing my tits off and glaring at other drivers through my crusty lids??). ***IS TODAY PARENTHESIS DAY, OR WHAT*** They tend to give the most accurate and frequent weather reports, which scores them regular non-listeners like me.

I’m getting to the point of this story, trust me.

Here comes a song to interrupt the reporting. It was a Christmas tune. It was a Christmas tune that really pissed me off, almost as much as it pisses me off when people use the term “x-mas”; and that one really goes all over me, let me tell you.

The song was about a dirty little impoverished boy who comes into a store to buy a pair of women’s shoes. (harhar, please refrain from making the obvious joke, you turds) for his sickly and dying mother. It seems that the boy and his father want mama to look purty iffin she goes ta meet JEEzus tahnite. To quote a pal, “Just give me one big fucking break!!”

Number one, the cheese factor is unrivaled here. Number two, I love the fact that the old ‘poor and slovenly’ cliche was used. Let me tell you people something….my grandmother, God rest her saintly soul, was DIRT poor most of her 84 years, but a speck of dirt was remiss to cross her path. She put it on it’s merry way right quick. She used to tell us, “It’s no sin to GET dirty, but it sure is one to STAY dirty.” Number three, I hardly think that what she’s wearing is gonna matter two whits to the Immaculately Conceived One. Number four, if she ain’t awready purty, shoes ain’t gonna do the trick and number five-o, (and this is the biggest pisser of all) WHY, for fuck’s sake, whywhyWHY would you WAIT until someone is dying to give them something that could have brought them pleasure while they lived??

I would like to punch the person in the throat that wrote this utterly moronic song as a lame tug at heartstrings. I am waving the giant birdfinger at their dumb asses and they shall be without beer and sausages forevermore! So sayeth the JettGrrrl!

I know you’re dying to know…the song is “Christmas Shoes” and the group is NewSong. Send them hate mail. Send them my URL. Tell them to bitch-slap whoever is responsible (including themselves) for this musical cheesewad and make them promise to never, never do it again. I implore you.

1 worked it out »

  1. giselle 12.2.2003

    I did it. check out my message:
    http://www.bobcarlisle.com/guestbook/guestbook.php

     

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