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Jett Superior laid this on you on || March 2, 2001 || 10:43 pm

I CANNOT STAND ANTISOCIAL WEIRDOS. Be a weirdo, be antisocial, but for Chrissakes don’t be BOTH.

As I went to pick up a vegetable plate I’d ordered from a local cafe yesterday, I noticed this guy on a bike. He was middle-agish, wearing khakis, BC glasses and a motherfucking CRASH helmet. No lie. NO LIE. And lest I forget to mention it, the bike was a three-wheeler. Like a big ole grown-up tricycle, if you’ve never seen this kinda bike, but with a regular raised seat.

It was a pretty day and the guy made me smile –I love anyone who looks unique/interesting, especially here in cookie-cutter-appearance land– so I gave him a large smile and friendly wave.

Dude looked straight at me grimly and kept on keepin’ on, unflinchingly ignoring my presence on the street. The planet, even.

I picked up my lunch, headed back from whence I came, taking a different route so’s I could check on Memaw Bernie. You know, make sure that she was still a crabby old lady with plenty to bitch about. I gave her my squash casserole and a yeast bun and headed on my merry way.

LO AND BE-DAMNED-HOLD, I passed Mister By Sigh Chlor again, four blocks left and six blocks up from our original rendezvous point. I smile and wave, non-threatening like. He ignores and pedals, non-givingashit like. This irks me, dear reader. This irks me somethin’ fierce.

Me being who I am, I must rectify this sitchoo-ayshee POST-HASTE.

I carefully drive around the block, so that I can pass by him with him facing me once again. I smile and wave. I get no response. I WILL NOT BE CHALLENGED, SIR!!! Do you KNOW who you are dealing with??

I set my jaw in the best beauty-pageant gri[mace]n that I can muster and make the series of rights that take me around the block once again. I give him the wiper-style queen’s wave this time.

Nothing.

If I have nothing else, I have quiet resolve and unrelenting stubborness on my side. I SHALL triumph over all adversity and non-acknowledging, pedalling fucks. I SHALL, I SAY!!!

Three more times I loop the block. Two more times he ignored me. On time three (number five overall) he caves and caves HARD. I get a wan little pained smile accompanied by a nod so brief and punctuated that it could actually be mistaken for a tic or tremor. But, as always,

I AM THE VICTOR!!!

[insert flailing, egotistical victory dance here]

Nobody worked it out »

Don´t be shy. Lay it on me.

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