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Jett Superior laid this on you on || December 15, 2001 || 5:08 pm

Snippet of convo between my eldest son and me:

SAM: Momma, why do some people not celebrate Christmas?

JETT: I don’t know.

(Brief pause for my thoughts to catch up with the question)

JETT: Because they’re communists.

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One thing that infernally sticks in my craw is the heinous term X-MAS . It annoys me on several levels: 1) the obvious dropping of the third of the triumvirate known as J.C., (or in some circles, “Christ”) 2) the utter laziness of not wanting to pen out the full name of the holiday and 3) the haste and crass commercialization that it represents.

Where point one is concerned, I could give two shits what somebody’s personal beliefs are; that’s why they sport the adjective personal in front of them. It matters not one whit to me if you believe that Christ was born of a virgin or even born, for that matter. If you think that our universe was carved out of green tomatos by an overzealous minotaur with halitosis, or if you think that we got here via the big bang (or even the big band) or by sheer psychotic alien will and cross-breeding, I’m cool with that. In the end we all rot and go away. How you choose to think you’ll spend your time after that (if you believe you’ll be spending time at all) is not for me to dictate. By the same token that I respect your spaces and the beliefs within them, I expect mine not to be fucked with. I would never in a million years coin a disrepectful term for someone else’s holiday name, ESPECIALLY if I myself celebrated it.

DAMNIT…are you listening??

By the way, this rant is aimed at no one in particular and everyone in general, capiche?? But if you really must insist on taking this personally, send the hate mail on over. I have years and YEARS of frustration on this matter pent up and ready to rain on ya.

As to point two, I think that it just reinforces the utter lack of regard I outlined in regards to point one…. After all, do we ever see the names of any other holidays slashed and burned like this one? Don’t say Halloween, you fucker, ’cause I OF COURSE I know that it’s the abbreviation for All Hallow’s Eve….but with that one, at least the crux of the title makes the cut. I mean, come on, do we swap sweets and sappy cards on St. X Day? Do we get a basket of goodies and dress up in springtime finery on Xster? Do we blow up tiny rockets and drink beer and sing Lee Greenwood’s solitary hit on 4th of X?

NO. WE. DON’T. And we don’t eat giblet gravy and mashed yams and turkey and celebrate the draught of death and disease brought to Native Americans on Xgiving. Why then, is Christmas’ name raped and pillaged and generally victimized?? WHY?

Oh, point three, thou holdst no lesser place in mine heart than points one and two….

I unequivocally will NOT shop with someone who utilizes the term ‘X-mas’ in their Holiday vernacular. Attention, retailers, ‘X-mas’ is not cutesy little holiday phraseology. It….is….NOT. Nor is it catchy. Nor is it appealing. If I see it in your fliers or store windows or on your crappin’ eBay auction, I will absolutely, unequivically pass you right the fuck up on any bargain you may be offering me. I don’t care if you are trading solid gold bars as big as your shopping carts for a solitary one of my shiny, hard-earned and sagely-spent quarters. No fucking way will my big toe cross the threshold of your beautimous pneumatic doors. Because, dear retailer (and dear reader, since you happen to be here),

the term ‘X-mas’ can kiss this white girl’s sentimental, hokey, Christmas-lovin’ ASS.

Nobody worked it out »

Don´t be shy. Lay it on me.

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