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Archive for December, 2001

 
|| December 15, 2001 || 8:52 pm || Comments (0) ||

And lest the day go by in its entirity without me doing so, I would like to wish a

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TREVOR

Trevor is the shizneeyit.

 
|| December 15, 2001 || 8:08 pm || Comments (0) ||

4 times that I have been lucky:

-The time that I got a copy of the Beatles’ ‘White Album’ on CD brand new for three bucks because of a pricing error.

I found it at a chain music store. When I pointed it out to the manager, I noted that I would pay for it at regular price, but he insisted on honoring the sticker. Cool.

-When I was really hurting for cash one time and I needed nineteen more dollars to pay a bill.

I said a quick prayer while sitting in my car for God to help me swallow my pride and ask for some leniency from the place I owed the money to. I opened my car door, placed my foot on the ground, and found a twenty dollar bill lying next to my instep.

-When I asked my friend Maxim over to swig a couple beers and hang out and he professed his years-long love for me.

I was packing to move to the east coast at the time. He had packed a few days prior so he could run off to Portland, Oregon with his band. This is a story for the ages, and I should tell the whole thing sometime.

-April 1, 1996

It was my birthday, and I had double-luck…I pulled a check for $450.00 out of the mailbox from my dad. I walked into one of the local guitar shops and found my favoritest guitar ever…a black Martin acoustic-electric. It looked new. For $350.00 it and a hardshell case went to buy new boots with me. The d00d at the shop even skipped the sales tax because it was my birthday, my buh-buh-buh-BIRTHday.

Hey, do you have four times when YOU’ve been lucky? I’d like to hear ‘em….

 
|| December 15, 2001 || 7:01 pm || Comments (0) ||

Were I a Pokemon (gag), I would be Hypnotle.

The Profile:

You live in the grasslands of Botswana, and your diet consists mostly of rocks, bats and tea.

The Characteristics (Combat and Non-combat):

You can shoot hot death. You have a box of LPs. You have a fear of maple syrup. You can breathe rocks. You can drink poison. You have uncanny instinct. You can eat broken glass.

Natural Enemies:

Your natural enemy is Bertorb.

Despite my dislike of all things Pokemon, this has been the most accurate of all the crappy internet tests I have taken thus far. Right?

 
|| December 15, 2001 || 5:08 pm || Comments (0) ||

Snippet of convo between my eldest son and me:

SAM: Momma, why do some people not celebrate Christmas?

JETT: I don’t know.

(Brief pause for my thoughts to catch up with the question)

JETT: Because they’re communists.

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One thing that infernally sticks in my craw is the heinous term X-MAS . It annoys me on several levels: 1) the obvious dropping of the third of the triumvirate known as J.C., (or in some circles, “Christ”) 2) the utter laziness of not wanting to pen out the full name of the holiday and 3) the haste and crass commercialization that it represents.

Where point one is concerned, I could give two shits what somebody’s personal beliefs are; that’s why they sport the adjective personal in front of them. It matters not one whit to me if you believe that Christ was born of a virgin or even born, for that matter. If you think that our universe was carved out of green tomatos by an overzealous minotaur with halitosis, or if you think that we got here via the big bang (or even the big band) or by sheer psychotic alien will and cross-breeding, I’m cool with that. In the end we all rot and go away. How you choose to think you’ll spend your time after that (if you believe you’ll be spending time at all) is not for me to dictate. By the same token that I respect your spaces and the beliefs within them, I expect mine not to be fucked with. I would never in a million years coin a disrepectful term for someone else’s holiday name, ESPECIALLY if I myself celebrated it.

DAMNIT…are you listening??

By the way, this rant is aimed at no one in particular and everyone in general, capiche?? But if you really must insist on taking this personally, send the hate mail on over. I have years and YEARS of frustration on this matter pent up and ready to rain on ya.

As to point two, I think that it just reinforces the utter lack of regard I outlined in regards to point one…. After all, do we ever see the names of any other holidays slashed and burned like this one? Don’t say Halloween, you fucker, ’cause I OF COURSE I know that it’s the abbreviation for All Hallow’s Eve….but with that one, at least the crux of the title makes the cut. I mean, come on, do we swap sweets and sappy cards on St. X Day? Do we get a basket of goodies and dress up in springtime finery on Xster? Do we blow up tiny rockets and drink beer and sing Lee Greenwood’s solitary hit on 4th of X?

NO. WE. DON’T. And we don’t eat giblet gravy and mashed yams and turkey and celebrate the draught of death and disease brought to Native Americans on Xgiving. Why then, is Christmas’ name raped and pillaged and generally victimized?? WHY?

Oh, point three, thou holdst no lesser place in mine heart than points one and two….

I unequivocally will NOT shop with someone who utilizes the term ‘X-mas’ in their Holiday vernacular. Attention, retailers, ‘X-mas’ is not cutesy little holiday phraseology. It….is….NOT. Nor is it catchy. Nor is it appealing. If I see it in your fliers or store windows or on your crappin’ eBay auction, I will absolutely, unequivically pass you right the fuck up on any bargain you may be offering me. I don’t care if you are trading solid gold bars as big as your shopping carts for a solitary one of my shiny, hard-earned and sagely-spent quarters. No fucking way will my big toe cross the threshold of your beautimous pneumatic doors. Because, dear retailer (and dear reader, since you happen to be here),

the term ‘X-mas’ can kiss this white girl’s sentimental, hokey, Christmas-lovin’ ASS.

 
|| December 15, 2001 || 4:54 pm || Comments (0) ||

My sister Emma has been feeling sorta peckish for about a week now, so yesterday I took her to the doctor. In the course of finding out what was wrong with her, we heard an exchange between doctor and patient in the next room. The woman playing the role of patient started speaking in LOUD Spanish at one point.

I understood enough to gather that she was either telling him to hurry up, her ass was hurting or to hurry up or she was gonna hurt his ass.

And I thought it was SOOOO important that I take French in high school.

 
|| December 12, 2001 || 7:40 pm || Comments (0) ||

Hey Army, I read your journal. I tried IMing that to you, but you weren’t online. DAMN the luck!

 
|| December 12, 2001 || 7:38 pm || Comments (0) ||

My inbox is forlornly empty. My own fault for my sloppy e-mail ways. Too bad, though…I’d like some heady convo and some company.