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Jett Superior laid this on you on || May 20, 2002 || 10:27 am

Last night, after the chirruns were in bed, Maxim and I were lying on the (super-mondo-huge) couch talking, facing one another, legs tangled. As we spoke, I doodled in my Mountain Dew (Proudly manufactured and distributed by PepsiCotm) note pad. Suddenly I hit upon an idea. I carefully wrote this header across a blank page:

Five things that strangers should know about me:

And I said, “Hey Maxim, what’re five things that strangers should know about me?”

Naturally, fearing he was part of some little reverse-psychology bullshit, he eyed me suspiciously (HEY! Don’t waggle your finger at me, mister/miss haughtypants….this conditioning is a by-product of his first marriage…).

“No strings, no worries, and be brutally honest.” I said. “It’s not particularly for anything, it’s just something that popped into my head.”

Well, he lost count and gave six answers instead of five, and the next question for him already had a five in it, so being the pattern freak that I am, I had make a set of six questions and each of them had a declining number of answers. Here are the results:

Six Sunday Spouse Questions
Asked of Maxim Superior by Jett Superior on 19 May, 2002

What are six things that strangers should know about me?
“That you DON’T like to repeat yourself.”
“That you area a very caring and giving person.”
“That you are stubborn in a beyond-all-comprehension sort of way.”
“That you are very adept at meaningful conversation.”
“That you are very knowledgeable on a wide range of subjects.”
“That you are a wonderful parent.”

What are five things about me that annoy you?
“Your fingernail biting.”
“That you don’t empty your ashtrays.”1
“That you can make anything into an ashtray if you can’t find yours.”2
“Your aversion to tofu.”
“The way Pepsi and/or Mountain Dew (Proudly manufactured and distributed by PepsiCotm) is a necessity,” (here he pats my knee), “but you’re getting better with that.”

Four reasons that you love me are?
“‘Cause you’re my best friend!”
“You’re very honest.”
“You’re outgoing.”
“Man, you’re just beautiful…” SQUISH!

What are your three most favorite happy times with me?
“When we both cried at our wedding…the way that it was like nobody else was there but me and you…” 3
“The entire first week we spent together.”
“When Mathias was born.”

The two awfullest times with me?
// ….long pause…. //
“I honestly can’t think of any.”
// ….another pause…. //
“Honestly.”

Hey, what’s one wish you have for me?
“For you to finish your [Master's] degree and get your dream job.”

1I feel this one needs a bit of clarification, before you all go thinking I’m a nasty-ass hillbilly or something. I smoke three to six cigarettes per day. The ashtray is never full, per se, so I walk away and forget to empty it. When I return, the ashtray is always magically empty. Maxim does it before I can remember to….
2Patently untrue, beloved readers. I never use the toilet to extinguish/dispose of my smokes. I hate when people do that. It’s SO fucking TACKY!
3My retort: “YOU cried, you pussy….I had something on my contact!”

1 worked it out »

  1. bob 6.5.2002

    My wife cried so hard I thought she was gonna make a break for it. So, I squeezed her hand until it was white and clammy for lack of circulation. Think I ws gonna stand up there and be married to a ghost??? No effing way!!!!

     

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