A Random Image

Jett Superior laid this on you on || July 31, 2002 || 11:26 pm

The problem with Lofthouse Cookies is that they are evile. EEEE-VILE. This is because once you consume them, they chew their way through your soul and head south to hang around your thigh region.

Except, of course, for the sugar cookie…

…it is perhaps the most vicious breed of Lofthouse Cookie to be found. It doesn’t even make a show of playing with your soul; it heads straight on down and settles into the thighs. Bastard!

Be mindful…they travel both in packs and individually, and will creep right on into your shopping cart between the baked tortilla chips and the tofu (I caught one dressed for St. Patty’s Day camouflaging itself with cilantro one time…).

BE WARY! BE ULTRAMEGACAREFUL! They have already brainwashed many of the masses, and word has it that they are spawning at an ungodly rate.

I see that they are made in Utah. That explains much.

5 worked it out »

  1. the olive 8.1.2002

    I want one now too- but I don’t know where to buy them. I’ve never seen them in any of our stores.

  2. tim451 8.2.2002

    jesus passed down the recipe himself during his tour of the americas (aka Jesus Tour ‘30).

  3. Jett 8.3.2002

    I dunno, olive, maybe you could e-mail the company and ask them what retail outlets carry them?

    But really, darling, it’s like a vampire….you must invite it in before it can come and do evil on you, and then all hell breaks loose. You saw ‘Dusk ’til Dawn’, didn’t you?

    …and for the record, I am rocking back and forth and saying fervent prayers for timato, who is so obviously going to HELL.

  4. tim451 8.5.2002

    it’s true!

    i’m goin’ straight to hell.

    just like my mama said.

  5. .jett. 8.5.2002

    timato, by any chance….did you grow up west of the tracks?


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