A Random Image
 

Jett Superior laid this on you on || August 22, 2002 || 9:36 pm

They are doing something that totally freaks me out at the neighborhood Piggly Wiggly.

The area grocery magnate, Mary Hardin (known as the ‘First Lady of Piggly Wiggly’, she was the first female to ever own one of the stores), recently died. A large funeral stand of flowers has been placed at each door in every store she owned. They pay all the requisite sympathy hoo-ha in big gold letters splashed across trailing white ribbons.

Is it just me, or is that shit more than a little creepy? I think it is; I think it’s downright fucked up. Seeing those funeral arrangements situated on the other side of the sliding glass pneumatic grocery store doors as I approached was like finding a turd not in the punchbowl, but in the ladle as I was filling my cup. Eeeee!

I hope the brilliant mind that placed the flowers there plans to remove them soon; it freaks me right the fuck out (I know I said that before, but I cannot emphasize enough how uncomfortable I got). You usually only see those huge floral stands where there’s a body. With those things standing sentry at the doors, the macabre thought that ole Ms. Hardin might be laid out in one of the upright coolers somewhere dances crazily at the back of my head.

And yeah, this chain of Pig (‘Pig’….that’s what the locals call Piggly Wiggly…) stores is big on running contests as promotions….

“Locate the cooler where we’ve laid out Miss Mary and win $250 IN GROCERIES AND A NEW LEAF BLOWER!!”

We are not crazy here in the South. We are….eccentric and chah-min’.

For the record, I mean no disrespect to Miss Mary….thank God for women of vision with a penchant for giving largely of self. My condolences to her daughters and all others that love(d) her.

3 worked it out »

  1. waistdog 8.23.2002

    I always felt the name “Piggly-Wiggly” was twisted enough in it’s own right.

    Of course, you just know YOU’LL win the leaf blower, after the wind leveled your trees.

    That really does sound a bit demented though.

     
  2. waistdog 8.23.2002

    Dang! There ain’t a pig store anywhere even sort of near ME!

    Do they have t-shirts?

     
  3. Jett 8.23.2002

    wiiiiiii-iiiiiiick,

    I can certainly look into that for you.

    I once matted and framed a brown paper bag from ‘Tha Pig’ for a friend of mine who was living in Europe. I put it in an ornate gold frame with a fancy suede mat and cut the words ‘PIG POWER’ into the mat. It was by far the best thing I ever framed.

     

RSS feed for comments on this post.

(you know you want to)