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Jett Superior laid this on you on || October 11, 2002 || 7:28 pm

You know, it really creeps me out when a person says that they ‘need’ someone in their life: “I need someone in my life.”

My first reaction to this statement is a knee-jerk one (but of course…); I recoil and say, “You need someone? You need someone?? There, honey chile, is your problem…not that you are non-coupled, but that you feel you need to be.” I have this white tee shirt that says “FUCK ME” in big (we’re talkin’ HUGE) black letters on the front. The back says, “THEN LEAVE ME” in the same bold black text. I want to have a boxful of them printed up for times when I hear the person who ‘needs’ someone say so.

“Here,” I’d say, “wear this boldly and proudly. In all your extreme codependency, that’s essentially what you’re saying: take the physical me, because that’s all I have. When that’s tiring or passe to you then feel free to move on…” Because, you see, if you are of the belief that you need somebody, then you are in a place where you are wholly unprepared for an adult relationship. If you feel as if you are not enough on your own (i.e. you need somebody versus wanting somebody), then you are driving the wrong way down Relationship Boulevard with no seatbelt on and the headlights shut off. After chugging a pint of daddy’s fine corn likker.

In a nutshell, if you are feeling incomplete as a result of not having a Significant Other, then all signs point to “Je ne suis pas entier.” Period. You will be no more fulfilled with someone than you are without someone. What you will be, dear sad clown, is dispensible.

Dispensable, or part of a very, very fucked-up dynamic, or both.

And they will leave you after the fun’s been wrung out, trust me. If they don’t, then they are even more fucked up than you and you’ll both be gnawing on the Misery Sandwich day in and day out, one (or both) of you fantasizing about throwing a running hair dryer into the bath while the other plays with the bubbles and sings ‘Rubber Duckie’. And you’ll get a little more incomplete as a result.

So many people need to experience life and its’ riches, in all their wonder before even attempting to dip their toes into the you-me conglomerate. They need to (at risk of you people throwing eggs and hissing here, I’ll use a tired cliche) find themselves, to give themselves room to grow as a person, to be able to sit comfy in their own skins. Embarking on something so fragile and big and wonderful as settling in with a life partner (even if just a ‘for-a-little-part-of-my-life’ partner) requires effort and attention and a solid grounding–a foundation of self, if you will. While you’re losing yourself in someone, it’s important not to lose yourself in them, you dig?

Look, how many times can I say it? I repeat: “A partner should compliment the you that you already are, rather than complete the you that you are not/have not yet become.” I know that it takes an entire lifetime to truly ‘become’, but if you have half a whit of intelligence in that noggin there, then you catch my drift. Someone shouldn’t be expected to take you on if you haven’t even taken yourself on yet.

People make me sad, man. I know that not everyone can see things from the same perspective, and I’m not naive or foolish or fascist enough to expect them to. But Christonacrackedwheatbun, some things are so fucking obvious that I just don’t see how people don’t get them. Or even why someone who cares for them doesn’t rattle said people’s teeth until they do.

So that’s it…..after infuriating the piss out of me, people just make me fucking saaaad, not unlike Lisa’s bad dancing. Maybe that’s why I stay so angry so much of the time. It’s much easier and much less taxing to be overwhelmingly angry than morbidly sad. At least when I’m angry I can still laugh.

Although mocking and derisive, it’s still fucking laughter, after all.

8 worked it out »

  1. You know who. 10.11.2002

    You aren’t referring to me are you? I don’t think that I show myself that way, but I realize that sometimes people might perceive me as thinking that I need someone. It’s not that I think I NEED someone, nor do I believe that I am incomplete without someone (I’ve never understood that at all… you’re the same person no matter what, and if you change who you are for someone to make them happy, then you shouldn’t be with them)

    But I am also on the inside looking out. You are on in outside viewing me.

    So back to my question. Were you talking about me?

     
  2. Jett 10.12.2002

    Dear You know who.:

    Uhhhh….I have the switch on my Big Psychic Hat turned to off, so NO, I don’t know who.

    I prolly wasn’t talking about you.

    Then again, maybe I was. Isn’t this fun??

    Love and Rockets,

    .jett.

    pee ess….it’s not about changing yourself; it’s about completely being grown into yourself before you attempt something so tenuous as becoming a part of a ‘we’.

    peepee ess (or pee essess, whatever)….ah, fuck it. NO. I WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, WHOEVER YOU ARE.

     
  3. G. Oldielocks 10.13.2002

    Hear, hear (or is it here, here?). I have so many friends who need that T-shirt.

     
  4. waistdog 10.14.2002

    I’m dispensable.

    But I like to think it’s in a PEZ sort of way.

     
  5. Gil 10.14.2002

    Fascinating and intriguing. You make a point I think many of us wholly believe, but never say. I am glad that you said it. It is so true… I have known so many sad, lost souls who bounce from relationship to relationship in college, never knowing the joys of free-will sex or the like, and they wonder why, when they marry a week after graduating with their Bachelor’s, they are so unhappy. I’ll tell you – you never had enough ALONE time. I shall quote part of this blog on mine, if you don’t mind.

     
  6. del didalee delmer 10.15.2002

    pff…we all NEED something in our lives…personally I NEED a beer.

     
  7. irfan 10.15.2002

    Fuck’n Aye!! That’s absolutely the simplest words I have read on a blog in a while. I got here by reading a comment about it on my friend Gil’s website …. Cool stuff. But I sense a lot of anger, my child. Clear your mind … let the force guide you.

     
  8. Jett 10.19.2002

    Irfan senses a lot of anger….HA!

    Irfan, I am not angry, just surly.

    Can I hit you with a ball peen hammer?

     

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