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Jett Superior laid this on you on || October 22, 2002 || 10:03 pm

I met a man who smelled like shit today. I mean, literally smelled like shit. It was odd, because he had all the appearances of being well-groomed; he just smelled like he had a load in his pants or something.

It brought to mind something Maxim told me one time.

When sweet little Maxim was a killing machine for the U.S. Gub’ment, he went to bootcamp with a guy who had an unbearable shit-smell to him. The guy was well-groomed; nobody understood why in the hell he smelled like he had shit himself constantly.

One day, a full-bird walked within five feet of Shitsmell Guy and went to yelling. The guy’s Staff (Sergeant) intervened, explaining that Shitsmell was always properly stracked/turned out/groomed, he was sure of it. The Colonel sent Shitsmell over to sick call, post-haste.

Turns out that the guy had a leaky anus. It didn’t technically leak, per se, but it didn’t close all the way, so the anal/colon odor was constantly emitted. ‘Leaky Anus’ was just the term for it.

I am so morbidly fascinated by the thought of that guy and now that I’ve met my own Shitsmell Person (*gag*) (he kept calling me ‘honey’ *double gag*), it’s even worse.

I dunno, I think I’d have to have a drawstring put in my ass, or something….I’m all about The Smellgood.

16 worked it out »

  1. clayton 10.22.2002

    drawstring.

    heh.

    i wish i could sleep.

     
  2. Jett 10.22.2002

    Clayton Speedwalker my dear,

    Some ideas:

    ~Count the dark spots on your liver.

    ~Masturbate.

    ~Recite the lines to every Cheech and Chong movie.

    ~Hang your head off of the edge of the bed and shake it from side-to-side until you are woozy.

    ~Masturbate THEN.

    ~Call me and I’ll sing you a lullaby.

    ~Don’t masturbate while I’m singing. It’s rude.

    ~Masturbate after I hang up the phone.

    ~Melatonin. Not to be confused with melanin.

    ~Breathe.

    Okay, that’s all *I’ve* got…you thought I was gonna say ‘masturbate’ again, dintchoo?

    Love and Rockets,

    Jett Berry Picker

     
  3. Jett 10.22.2002

    Pee Ess….masturbate. Tell your hand it’s the best lover you’ve ever known. Roll over and snore.

     
  4. theSpaceMonkey 10.23.2002

    LOL…you have to wonder if these people actually notice they smell like doo-doo but have given up trying to do anything about it, or if they really just don’t know and, without the aid of a Colonel will never know.

    Maybe they could just use a butt-plug?

     
  5. theSpaceMonkey 10.23.2002

    Oh, PS, I sent C a collection of scans I acquired from the recent Playboy issue featuring Kristy Swanson. He definitely has the necessary raw materials at his disposal to attempt your insomnia prevention advice.

    :)

     
  6. delmer 10.23.2002

    jett…how would skin cancer help him sleep….?

    oh wait you said melatonin…not malanoma!

     
  7. Tara 10.23.2002

    Think of what a great college party trick having a drawstring anus would be? …heh.

     
  8. Keith 10.23.2002

    EEEWY!!!

     
  9. waistdog 10.23.2002

    I was about to mention the use of a simple cork.

    But after reading the comments, I’ve gotten confused.

    So, I’ll be on my way now.

     
  10. tel 10.23.2002

    The very fact that people are coming here expecting a discussion about leaky anus syndrome or whatever it’s called, and are instead greeted with a lot of masturbation talk, is quintessential Jett.

     
  11. Johnny T 10.23.2002

    Leaky Anus, is that Latin for something? I hate all the medical mumbo-jumbo that makes no sense to a commoner like myself. Why can’t they just call it something we can understand like Fecali Seepageus.

     
  12. kd 10.23.2002

    i would recommend a baby jesus butt plug from divineinterventions.com.

    oh, for the anal syndrome too!

     
  13. Jett 10.24.2002

    THaaaat’s IT! kd’s going to hell and there’s nothing I can do to help her on this one.

    monkaaaay: I never really considered Swanson all that spankable, but I’m a chick, so what the fuck do I know?

    keith: yes, but *imagine* having been there?

    tara: RIGHTTHEFUCKON. You are a remarkable example of a ‘positive thinker’.

    waisty: the rest of us are confused, as well. It’s a requirement over here.

    johnnaaaay: as always, you make me giggle….in a frightening way.

    del: your rogue wit is only exceeded by your striking good looks.

    tel: don’t know whether or not to consider that one an insult. So, I’ll be Typical Oblivious American and choose instead to consider it a compliment.

    “Oh, thank you!”

     
  14. tel 10.24.2002

    Don’t you know that any time you can spur me to make an observation on anything, no matter how witless and banal (the observation, that is), it should be viewed as a compliment? Or at least an irritant?

     
  15. trish 10.24.2002

    Guess he wasn’t very anal retentive. Ba dum dum!

     
  16. Bob 10.26.2002

    Whenever I think of Jett i think about masturbatiion….especially thinking of her with…Kristy Swanson….

    damn I am good….

    Bob

     

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