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Archive for October, 2002

 
|| October 22, 2002 || 10:03 pm || Comments (16) ||

I met a man who smelled like shit today. I mean, literally smelled like shit. It was odd, because he had all the appearances of being well-groomed; he just smelled like he had a load in his pants or something.

It brought to mind something Maxim told me one time.

When sweet little Maxim was a killing machine for the U.S. Gub’ment, he went to bootcamp with a guy who had an unbearable shit-smell to him. The guy was well-groomed; nobody understood why in the hell he smelled like he had shit himself constantly.

One day, a full-bird walked within five feet of Shitsmell Guy and went to yelling. The guy’s Staff (Sergeant) intervened, explaining that Shitsmell was always properly stracked/turned out/groomed, he was sure of it. The Colonel sent Shitsmell over to sick call, post-haste.

Turns out that the guy had a leaky anus. It didn’t technically leak, per se, but it didn’t close all the way, so the anal/colon odor was constantly emitted. ‘Leaky Anus’ was just the term for it.

I am so morbidly fascinated by the thought of that guy and now that I’ve met my own Shitsmell Person (*gag*) (he kept calling me ‘honey’ *double gag*), it’s even worse.

I dunno, I think I’d have to have a drawstring put in my ass, or something….I’m all about The Smellgood.

 
|| October 21, 2002 || 8:31 pm || Comments (2) ||

And before the day is over and wishes grow stale, I would like to say
Happy Birthday to my randy little love slave, the Fancy Llama!

 
|| October 21, 2002 || 7:50 pm || Comments (0) ||

And I’m cold. I forgot to mention that part.

 
|| October 21, 2002 || 7:46 pm || Comments (0) ||

Geez Louise, I’m tired….

 
|| October 21, 2002 || 5:27 pm || Comments (0) ||

This personality test ganked from batgrl’s house tells me that:

You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don’t give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn’t care less. You’re the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding.

Theoretically, the latter could be true, but a couple of factors come into play.

For instance: What flavor is the cake? What kind of music are they playing? Not just any ole cake, any ole music merits self-pleasure.

Okay, well, I lied….most do; some just kill the masturbatory mood entirely. There you have it.

 
|| October 20, 2002 || 11:56 pm || Comments (2) ||

Hey, you know what? It’s TACKY PACKtm time ay-gain!

You know what else? No boys/men/humans of the male persuasion have won it yet. This sorta disheartens me. Because I be all like, non-discriminatory an’ shit. So, c’mon fellas, get those e-mails in! It can’t just be chicks that like wanton crap! Surely you need five-inch tall blue SWAT guys for your desk or the back of your toilet!

Of course, submissions are welcome from all sexes, and the drawing will not be rigged. I’ll just be rooting for the d00ds this time around. Submission topic, since Halloween is near, is this: Tell me what you are superstitious about. You may just win really spanky shwag.

Alright then.

 
|| October 19, 2002 || 2:17 am || Comments (0) ||

God must be my secretary, leading me to appointments I’d otherwise miss.

Kevin, of The Homeless Guy

Eloquently and aptly uttered.

Look, listen, interact. Many of us are a mere one or two paychecks away from this potentially happening to us. MANY of us.