A Random Image

Jett Superior laid this on you on || March 2, 2003 || 10:20 pm

Sometimes a heartfelt cry on a long, unplanned drive is just the thing a girl needs.

With Beth Hart building the wall of sound around you, of course (“And she’d come to me / When fire and water was gone / To caress the empty / With a song”).

Finding that I had a need to urinate somewhere along the way had me eyeballing my surroundings: “Lord, don’t lemme pee myself in the interim…” Hey, there’s been worse prayers, maybe even uttered by you.

Antique shops (snooty bathrooms, visited at a premium), used auto parts storefronts (if their windows are that grimy, what of the toilets?)…nothing suitable, and I spy the side of a gray-and-tan speckled building. Carved into its wall I see the word ‘LIBRARY’.

I nosed my car onto the side street, parking carefully, locking doors and smoothing hair simultaneously. There is nothing for the puffy eyes, but my lipstick is creamy and just right, so that’s that.

There is the sign big as day as soon as I enter:


Not having to ask is a treat, but I have to go back to the desk for the key. This hearkens me back to middle school and I am madly compelled to do something inappropriate. What that something is I didn’t yet know, but give me time and the slightest hint of impropriety and I’m your girl.

Upon completion of the task at hand, the wiping, the flushing, the handwashing, I wonder at whether or not I ought to browse.

I want to lend legitimacy to my visit.

But then I think, “What is more legitimate than a full bladder?” and I think, “I’ve never hidden my actions behind suitability before, why start now?” So I hung the bathroom key back on its little hook, rattled my own palmful of keys and walked confidently out the door.

God bless government-subsidized bathrooms. Worn, but clean. Lemony soap. Thanks for the facilities, Cullman, Alabama.

8 worked it out »

  1. redclay 3.2.2003

    Oh, Lord, honey.

    Here i was with a story.

    The words all lined up like there was free beer.

  2. April Love 3.3.2003

    That was pretty damned entertaining. I’m such a freak, I feel that I have to purchase or at least browse if I use a potty. It’s ridiculous, and I should work that out.

  3. Johnny T 3.3.2003

    Hey, you paid for the public restroom, use it. You own the darn thing. If they are going to make laws prohibiting you fromm peeing in the street, well they better give you a toilet. Now how they get you to feel guilty for using it, I don’t know. Them Democrats are tricky monsters.

  4. Thanks for stopping by hun. I’ve missed you! Please come back and go to the Back Fence section of my site. From there, you can visit the Dirty Laundry forum and join in on the various (so far, political) debates going on. I’d love your opinions amongst all the, sometimes too sweet, countryfied folk that stop in. Hugs and toilet paper for you…. hehe

  5. melly 3.3.2003

    Okay, let me tell you about Beth Hart. A few years ago, I was tripping on acid with my now-ex-husband. The trip started taking a negative turn so I went upstairs and turned on some late night talk show. Beth Hart was at her piano singing that train song. I swear to God, as I watched, she turned into this horrible green, alien-like-bug-creature.

    She ain’t human, I tell you. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHE AIN’T HUMAN!

  6. Tara 3.3.2003

    I said that prayer once.

    I ended up having to pull over by the side of the road and try to pee in a large soda cup because the bushes were too thick (and it was too dark) to see to walk through.

    Suddenly, a house across the street lit up and people started pouring outside from every entrance.

    Startled, I dropped the VERY FULL pee cup. All over myself.

    Did I mention it was Halloween? Yeah, I had to go meet my friends at the mall, buy new pants, and go walk around feeling all weird the rest of the night… damnit.

  7. chip 3.3.2003

    hey … where’s the damnwells show recap? while i didn’t get to see them in concert, i did get to hang with the boys a few weeks ago when they stopped at ted’s folk’s place which is 10 minutes from my house. good times. good times.

  8. Jettomatika 3.4.2003

    redclay: stop making me swoon, you fucker.

    april: it’s our Southerin Girl issues, er SUBSCRIPTION.

    johnnaaaay: spoken like a true communist. socialist toilets! SOCIALIST TOILETTTTSSSS!!

    melly: I find that many of those who walk the planet lack definable human characteristics. I tread carefully. THE COLORS, OHMYGAAHHHHD, THE COLORSSSS!!

    jo-ann: would they kill me with kindness? sicken me with saccharine? have you had that big, scary operation yet? you should clue me in on progress and such.

    tara: PEE GIRL! PEEEEGIRRRRRL! perhaps you missed the entry where I, drunken and awash in halloweeny revelry, pissed on the closed toilet lid at the haunted house. for shame. but rife with hilarity.

    chip: half of it is written, half of it still resides in my head. it’s frollicking around with all the other words, ones like ‘defenestration’ and ‘collusion’ and ‘recalcitrant’. ted spoke very highly of you (‘he’s mister cool, with the line on some really great up-and-comers…’) and the wife (‘kate’s awesome, man’) and the heatherns (‘they have the coolest kids!’). he summed you up as ‘great people’. he hugged me and maxim a lot. mostly maxim, but that’s another story for another time; I guess it was some sort of Bass God bonding session or something. *shrugs* I gave them a TACKY PACK filled with assorted goodies. not real sure how it went over, but I was thanked profusely.

    for a short, temporary summation, the show was outSTANDING and the guys are pretty cool. I witnessed some of the finest musicianship I’ve seen in a while (especially out of Dave…WOW) and enjoyed myself immensely. Maxim and I spent about an hour and a half after the show hanging and talking (mostly music) with them.


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