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Jett Superior laid this on you on || March 25, 2003 || 4:16 pm

My sister Emma, all of sixteen and gorgeous inside and out, has paid two-thousand dollars to accompany a group from her school that is touring Italy, France and England in the summer.

I have been prepping her for some eight weeks now:
“Please, please, when you are in a new situation, quietly observe what the locals do, then follow their lead. Unless it’s something that you find horribly morally objectionable, like licking goat’s balls that are still attached to the goat or something.”

“In France and Italy, gesture away, but sit on your hands around the Brits. Over-animation quite frightens them.”

“Take time to learn the currency exchange rates before you go there, Emma. Trust me.”

“When buying things for their local flair to give unwitting souvenir-receivers back home, check them for stamps/markings that say things like ‘Made in Taiwan’ on them.”

“I understand the lure of losing your virginity in some vineyard overseas somewhere with some cat smoothly crooning one of the romance languages in your ear, but there’s still a lot of living for you to do. Recall that I will be here waiting when you get back, and I’ll KNOW.”

“If you get guff for being an American anywhere, at any time, learn the respectful way to say, ‘I’m a high school kid, for Chrissakes, trying to learn a little something about the world and its various cultures.’ and/or ‘Look, I may or may not agree with Dubya, but he’s got a really difficult job. I don’t care to step in and do it, do you?’ “

It was that last scenario that I was most concerned about.

Alas, my fears were in vain, because the organizers called this past week to say that the trip was off, and four-hundred of the hard-earned dollars invested were as good as down the shitter.

8 worked it out »

  1. brynne 3.25.2003

    damn.

     
  2. delmer 3.25.2003

    no goat balls, but i do have goat nips!!!!….just in case you don’t find goat nipples objectionable.

     
  3. Keith 3.26.2003

    Crap! They’re not refunding the money?? By the way, I’m on the Blogathon Team this year! Woohoo! :)

     
  4. c 3.26.2003

    so much for faith in fellow man, eh?

     
  5. kate 3.26.2003

    dang…$400 down the drain…at least give a t-shirt away that says “I paid money for an idea.”…*confused*..lol

     
  6. waistdog 3.26.2003

    Why aren’t the assholes refunding the money?

    When in France, all you have to do is say “Jerry Lewis”.

    It cracks them up, and they leave you alone.

    But……why aren’t those assholes refunding her money?

     
  7. brynne 3.26.2003

    correct me if i’m wrong, it wouldn’t be the first time…but i assumed it meant all but four hundred of the hard earned dollars were coming back… *shrug*

     
  8. Jett 3.27.2003

    KATE WINS BEST IDEA AWARD!

    …and brynne darling, you were absolutely correct.

     

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