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Jett Superior laid this on you on || April 6, 2003 || 10:26 pm

I’ve resolved to not brush my hair before it dries this evening. Let’s see what that gets us.

Things are goofy-funny today (and I’m not even drunk):

‘Reverse balding’…that was the subject line of an e-mail I got earlier. Only, instead of reading it ‘reverse balding, I read it ‘reverse balding’, which caused a little consternation in mine blockhead. “What is this reverse balding,” I thought, “is it when you lose hair on the sides and back and not from the top? Is it when you don’t go bald from the center outwards and just the opposite occurs?” Then the lightbulb came on and your Very Own Favorite Stroke Victim muddled her way through it.

Dude, I was number twelve today in the search results for ’sick all time sleep a lot chew skoal’. I don’t know if I should find humor in this or if I should be unreasonably concerned about the searcher. Should I try and track them down and holler, “Good God, go see a doctor! You got me worried as all hell!”

Also of interest (to me, anyway, I’m sure you’re all comatose with boredom already) is that I was number six in the search for ‘how to make an exact replica of a wal mart receipt’. Yes, you got me, I am a criminal mastermind.

I lost seventy-five, eighty bucks on Kottke sometime today; I knew the P/E was too high! I knew I shoulda sold! So I did what any good, self-deprecating investor would do; I bought a few more shares.

Saw a report on the local-ish news tonight (yes, dear readers, sometimes in the realm of my limited exposure to teeveeville I stumble across such heinous things as newscasts and get sucked right the fuck in) about a convenience store robbery. Only this wasn’t your run-of-the-mill convenience store robbery.

The guy robbing the joint held the clerk up by brandishing a can of juice and threatening to bash her brains in with it. They didn’t specify if it was frozen concentrate or just plain ole juice in a can. I’m betting, though, that if he had nads enough and/or little enough sense to rob someone at juicecanpoint, he wasn’t wildly concerned with the fact that one would make more sense over the other. The whole thing reminds me of the part at the beginning of Gone In 60 Seconds where Giovanni Ribisi’s character Kip is asked what he’s doing just prior to robbing an auto dealership. As he extracts a brick from his trunk, he blithely calls out, “Gettin’ my tooool.” and then lobs the brick through a huge plate-glass window.

Thinking outside the box, folks. A fucking can of JUICE. Makes me want to brandish steel wool pads on the Impending Giant Liquor Store Knocking-Over Spreetm.

And how can I not be embarrassed about this??



Sponge Bob Square Pants: you like them square and
spongy.

Which guy are you destined to have sex with?
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For fuck’s sake (fucksakes?)!

Because you’ve always wanted to be squared away here’s the straight poop: Unofficial Dictionary for Marines

Outfuckingstanding.

Goodnight General Puller, wherever you are…”

2 worked it out »

  1. waistdog 4.7.2003

    Was it 100% pure juice?

    Or from concentrate?

     
  2. Jo-Ann 4.7.2003
     

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