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Jett Superior laid this on you on || April 16, 2003 || 11:40 pm

Jeebus Maheebus, I got an e-mail from corporate that left me slack-jawed and shaking my head, wondering where the fuck these people get this stuff.

UnnamedLocaleNumberOne and UnnamedLocaleNumberTwo appear to be the twin collossi [sp.] that dominate the FictitiousCompanyName landscape.

All I could think was, “This is somebody’s goofy-assed joke, isn’t it? Isn’t it?

Stapler, meet head. Now you silly gits, you stop that. See what you made me do?

Twin colossi, for shitsakes. TWIN COLOSSI. Who the fuck talks like that? Someone who’s been to one too many management-slash-motivateyerpeople seminars, that’s who.

What do you wanna bet that I get an e-mail one day that uses the word ‘umbrage’ with no sense of embarrassment?

10 worked it out »

  1. Killer Badger (aka APR) 4.17.2003

    I have used the word “umbrage” before, is that a bad thing? It was in a paper I wrote in high school, the teacher underlined it and put a question mark over it.

  2. umbrage was in the Daily Dictionary email but two or three days ago.

    no. i do not receive daily dictionary email. my {much nerdier} brother does. {he is hot, dont get me wrong}

    and you can say “umbrage” as much as you like, so long as you put on the fattest liverpool accent you can muster.

    In fuct, aye teek greeet oombridge at thut staytmint!

  3. @feckless 4.17.2003

    i totally dig umbrage. i pictue a sort of virtual umbrella one ducks under when one is having the sort of fussy that results in the need for umbrage.

  4. G. Oldielocks 4.17.2003

    I’m pretty sure I’ve never used the word “umbrage” (mostly because I had to look it up to see what it meant), but I plan to work it into my conversation today at work and see it anyone appears to understand me.

  5. tel 4.17.2003

    speaking of business…your damn blog stock KILLED ME yesterday. thanks a lot.

    it was a virtual collossi, it was.

  6. Jett 4.17.2003

    Look y’all, I don’t dislike the word ‘umbrage’. I think that, all in all, it is a very fiiine word. It just makes me feel all squidgy to see things like ‘twin colossi’ and ‘umbrage’ in corporate e-mails. It’s like paying your way into the carnival with a Dali painting. Wouldn’t quarters have been better??

    G.Oldie: I MISSED YOU! Where you been, toots?

    tel: KILLED you?? KILLED you? How? It’s doing so well! Did you sell prematurely, or something? Heh….you loser.

    Richard: all I heard was Spud from ‘Trainspotting’ in that accent. Poopy sheets! Poopy sheeeets!

  7. Unxmaal 4.17.2003

    i am here personally with great vengeance and furious pubic hair to formally proclaim jett’s laudable mayonnaised beret of scintillating desire. jett shines so brightly, verily, she is a colossus of booty. and as her booty requires two cheeks to remain christian [one to turn the other to], her booties would be colossi.

    so there jett!

    no feeling left out for you! you’re much more collossal and collonic and colloidal than any silver solution ever made by men or martians! martians of course fear umbrage of any color. especially burnt umbrage. which isn’t a crayola color but should be.

    i love cheese nips.

  8. Jett 4.17.2003

    Damnit, Eric, you should comment more often.

  9. The Dane 4.18.2003

    You’ll always be my twin collossi Ms. Superior.

  10. G. Oldielocks 4.19.2003

    Thanks, Jett (-:


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