A Random Image

Jett Superior laid this on you on || April 19, 2003 || 9:14 am

I have declared today Junk Food Saturday. I sprang out of bed this morning, knowing I was late for something and feeling all discombobulated. Thankfully Maxim had already fed the kids and I began the cattle-prod shuffle towards the car.

“Cleats! Mitts! Scoutyougotyourchestprotector? MATHIAS! You can’t wear boxer shorts to practiiiice! Ballfield! Must…get…to….ballfield…”

Instead of taking my vitamins and grabbing a shake or a protein bar as I am wont to do in such situations, I opted for the sultry iced donut that sat plumply and fetchingly in the box, giving me the come-on in a big way. A powerful way. The way that only starchy, carbohydratey things can. You know those things; they coo and purr and promise great and wonderful boosts in serotonin, not to mention the ability to go buy new clothes after you get those marvelous doughy pockets on your thiiiiighs.

Now I sit here in front of The Box Of Godforsaken Technological Time Suckage swigging a Pepsi and gnoshing on those cute little twirledy Cheetos (as with most ‘cute’ things, they are heinous…absolutely, unapologetically heinous). I’ve not done this in heaven knows how long. Were I to follow my past patterns to their full extent, after I finished my Little Bowl Of Cheeto-y Fineness I’d chop up a big ole hocker of a line and powder my nose from the inside out. We’ll just leave that little practice in the box, okay?

Let me tell ya, I’ve got my mind’s eye trained on some o’ them Pickle-Os (& all hail the Divine Cherry Limeade, nectar of my yoot) from Sonic. I will cave, brothers and sisters, and go get those suckers. I just know it. I’m gonna feel all sluggish and grody tomorrow, but I! Don’t! CAAAAARE! Junk food hedonism must ensue today, it simply must.

What is your favorite compound word to separate and put the verbal screws to?

Mine is ‘jackass’. Jack! ASS! (…’Fuckhead’ runs a tight second…)

I find it very liberating.

9 worked it out »

  1. @feckless 4.19.2003

    pickle-os? sounds like a good breakfast cereal for those hungover mornings.

  2. Tim 4.19.2003

    My word for the compound breakdown: mo-ron, followed closely by re-tard.

  3. waistdog 4.19.2003

    I don’t know the pickle’os….but I’m thinking I’d like to.

    Just don’t chop up them Cheeto’s Jett.

    They stick to the back of your sinus’s, and leave a tell tale ring of orange around your nostrils.

  4. Jett 4.19.2003

    Pickle-Os=yummy breaded, deep-fried pickle slice goodness. Served, not unwisely, with a side of ranch (or, as we say here in yon glorious South, ‘rainch’) dressing

    Lord God, you people know not whatteth you miss.

  5. melly 4.19.2003

    You think you’re better than me, don’t you?

  6. G. Oldielocks 4.19.2003

    Those twiirledy Cheetos ARE the best, and addictive. Pickle-O’s, hmmm, I’m going to visit Jett.

  7. waistdog 4.20.2003

    The Melly needs some Pickle-os.

  8. redclay 4.20.2003

    my favorite compunded word is “honey”.

    least if i say it roght it is.

  9. i wish i were starchy and/or carbohydratey


RSS feed for comments on this post.

(you know you want to)