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Jett Superior laid this on you on || May 19, 2003 || 10:42 pm

Things to do with a sisal sponge when you are bored:

// Have a tea party with it. Be sure to compliment its lovely hat.

// Pretend it is a rich society type; practice kissing its ass and getting ground under its priveleged heel.

// Carry it around town, telling everyone its your long-lost illegitimate Vietnamese brother.

// Cry on its shoulder.

// Smoke a doob with it. Make fun of it for ‘not being able to hold its smoke’.

// Have a passionate argument with it. Swear on your eyeballs that Mister Potatohead ‘means nothing…nothing, I tell you!’

// Take it to the dentist. Tell the staff that you’re worried about unsightly plaque buildup, therefore, the sponge needs a thorough cleaning. Winking while saying the emphasized ‘thorough’ is optional.

// Have a love-in. Sing ‘Kumbayah’ (did I speel spell that shit right?).

// Take a craft class together. Flip out when they come to the lesson on sponge painting. And I mean flip way. thefuck. out.

// Enter the sponge in one of those model/talent search mall scams. You’ll need to have a very elaborate sponge portfolio, showing the broad range of images and moods the sponge can project (If you need help here, I know a guy, he does good work and is real reasonable as long as you talk to him in a Dutch accent. If you make it Russian, he knocks like ten more percent off.).

// Grate the sponge and put it atop a salad. Tell everybody who asks that it’s one o’them snotty, Yer-Uh-Peene crumbly cheeses.

// Mail it to a pal with a note on embossed ivory vellum card stock saying, “Happy Hygeine Week, Daaaarlin’.”

Okay, I’ve done all I can do here. Pick a household object, any household object and tell me how you’d while away a slow, writer’s-block rainy day. I’m feeling a little midnight-snacky. Chex Mix and daddy’s homemade plum wahn, anyone?

5 worked it out »

  1. Sean M 5.20.2003

    remenicent of the “fun with history” commercials they show on tv here… involves children zealously duct taping a cardboard standy of ol’ honest abe to a skateboard, and sending him zooming down a half pipe…

     
  2. John 5.20.2003

    I think “Kumbayah” is spelled M-O-O-N.

    Sisal Sponge

    I admit I never knew it was called that. But I do know what a loofah is because that’s like the coolest name – even though it sounds like the final stage of terminal laziness.

    I will submit another sisal sponge use: It could be a soothing hand puppet name Pierre. No?

     
  3. waistdog 5.20.2003

    Somehow I don’t think there’s any of daddy’s homemade plum wahn left.

     
  4. i have a cardboard bodykit on my car

     
  5. trouble 5.22.2003

    i have to play kumbaya at a wedding in switzerland next month. i didnt know anybody actually sang that song.

     

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