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Jett Superior laid this on you on || May 23, 2003 || 9:44 pm

Okay, let’s just say that, ahhhh, you left your favorite summer-weight, positively sunny and shiny peach-hued lipstick in the pocket of your lightweight, semi-sheer jacket.* And, for the sake of something to write about, let us say –as well– that you washed the jacket and dried the jacket. Since we’re already fabricating a full-bodied story, let’s throw in the little detail that has you finding the lipstick, –which has sort of gigglingly transplanted itself from the twirly base and now chooses to reside stuck to the top instead– sucking in air sharply, and in general just acting horrified.

But thank God that ole lid didn’t pop off and ruin half your clothing, right? Yes, darlings, there is that.

But there is also still the matter of a seventeen-dollar tube of lipstick to contend with.

Here’s the part where I come in and advise you that were this to actually happen to you, that you may just wanna go on and throw the lipstick away before all sorts of repairative notions settle in your noggin. You know the ones, those kind that say things such as,

Ah-HA! If it got all melty and fucked up, I can re-melt and unfuck it.”

Before you proceed to boil water in a saucepan and hold the eedle lipstick top gingerly in the boiling water with those great big ole salad tongs, you should know that steam burns can serve to provoke great ire, and that eedle top will grow more and more slippery as the moments leading up to the quite crucial ‘perfect melt’ pass away. You should also know that you’ll never, ever succeed in getting all the lipstick back into the tube; in fact, it will form a summer-weight, positively sunny and shiny peach-hued film on the interior surfaces of the lipstick lid. It will, and there are no two ways about this, and no way around it, either. You will not, even though you so foolishly and brazenly think it, be able to clean the inside of that top of all summer-weight, positively sunny and shiny peach-hued guck left behind.

Even as you place the newly-repoured tube elatedly into the freezer to re-harden and cool, there will be a sense of disappointment in yourself, because what was nearly a full tube of lipstick pre-wash is now only two-thirds of same: A summer-weight, positively sunny and shiny peach-hued shadow of its former self.

Just let it go, fine reader. Fuck that seventeen dollars, and any cheap-assed notions toward same that you might have. Is your dignity not worth at least a sawbuck?

*The fact that it was in a semi-SHEER garment makes this scenario all the more infuriating. Yes, it certainly does.

4 worked it out »

  1. laura 5.24.2003

    ooo! apply with a lip brush! but what do i know. i don’t think i’ve work make-up in 2003…

     
  2. The Dane 5.24.2003

    I’m a semi-sheer garment.

     
  3. of all the stories i’ve ever heard involving melting lipstick, this is definitely one of them

     
  4. Angel 5.25.2003

    Everything that needed to be said has been said… everything.

     

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