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Jett Superior laid this on you on || June 20, 2003 || 1:13 pm

I am Jack’s reader mail:

I realize that it is more than likely a faux pas to gibber over a random reader e-mail more than once every few months, but as they say in France where the faux pas is concerned, ‘Oh fucking well!’ Jack is a fucking cutie. Yes, I said the ‘c’ word, and I am unashamed in the face of it.

From: Jack

To: amazingjettgrrrl@hotmail.com

Subject: What?

I often find myself asking that very thing, Jacky.

Date: Tue, 17 Jun 2003 16:42:50 -0700

Yes, I realize it is only three days later. Just yesterday I answered Guy’s emails from nine days ago. The three-month window for response is shrinking! I, apparently, am getting better at this e-correspondence shit. That, or I’m woefully underemployed.

Hmmmm. I’ve visited your site a few times because I did a search on the name “Beth Clary”– a girl I dated in high school (too many years ago)– and there I was in the clutches of your insanity. Why do I go back? Somebody stop me!

Firstly, I can’t believe you dated that bitch; what an icy-blooded whoooore she was! And you’re not over her yet?? For the love of God, man, what did she do to you? Or maybe you were looking her up for reasons of a revenge nature, which I always endorse. I may even have a few helpful hints to share, as long as you promise to be very, very careful so that the authorities don’t get involved.

Or maybe you knew an entirely different Clarygirl than I did….

And I am not insane. I’m merely two clicks to the left of ‘off’; there’s a big ole difference, you know.

You seem clever and very complex.

Not really, just pretty pissed off and slightly intoxicated. Although I could see where you could construe one as the other. Rage and tequila are pretty powerful things.

I don’t know why I’m even writing this except it’s either that or get back to work… and I’m too tired to think right now.

Lessee, you are (I’m assuming) male, so you pretty much have one of four motivations behind everything you do: You’re looking for sex, your balls itch, you have gas, or you’re hungry. Truthfully, I don’t know how any of those four could relate to you e-mailing me (you want sex? AHHHHHAHahahaaaaa!), but at least I’ve given you the keys; it’s up to you to now drive to a conclusion.

I live in Tucson, Arizona, where it’s fucking hot right now!

I must have the biggest Arizona audience of any weblog ever! And, lucky me, all my Arizona people are some cool mothereffers!

I used to live in the Seattle area where it rained all the time.

Readers in Seattle too! And I like them, as well!

Now, isn’t there someplace in this country where I don’t have to fry or drown?

I’ve heeerd tell of this place called New Jersey, but I ain’t real sure it exists….

Why am I telling you this?

Because it is so very obvious from just perusing my site that I am a friend to the common man. That, and you may have not just issues, but a whole damn subscription, as I was telling a neato friend she does a couple weeks back.

You don’t care about my problems.

Jack, you fucker, didn’t you just hear me say that I’m a fucking friend to the fucking common man??!

However, I do think you deserve the name “amazing” for some reason.

*blushes* No, really, *blushes*. And I do; it was a marvelous keg stand. The thing with the olives was pretty spiffy, too, if I do say so myveryownself.

So, there you go. Nothing of value in this email,

You let me be the judge of that, mister.

just a bunch of bits ripping across the Internet at light speed to get into a mailbox and just sit there–

Ha-HA! Fooled YOU! It’s only been three days.

only to be discarded into a digital waste basket.

Fooled! You! Agaaaaaaain! I am not called ‘Superior’ for no reason!

Poor little bits all crushed and mangled, then converted into recycled tripe.

How little did ye know? Yes. Recycled tripe is precisely what this site is. I should go register that domain rightthisveryminute. But I am broke and peering at the end of the tunnel where unemployment lies in wait, so I think I’ll save that eight bucks for something important like a cheese pizza.

Love you Jettgrrrl,

Jack

Of course you do, Jack! And your Jettgrrrl loves you too. Always glad to welcome another Superior Muffinass aboard.

8 worked it out »

  1. brynne 6.20.2003

    awww.

     
  2. Sean 6.21.2003

    Olives? Mac is curious…..

     
  3. Jett! 6.21.2003

    Yeah, well, it’s one of those “you-had-to-be-there” things.

    Bryndo, glad to see you’re baaaaack! I just KNEW you were pissed about the PACK before! LOL…

     
  4. Larry 6.22.2003

    Here in Nashville The temp and humidity hovers betwen 90 &100, so you can fry and drown at the same time, Y’all come back now, heah.

     
  5. brynne 6.22.2003

    I was so not pissed… I know how things go. But you more than made it worth the anticipation. I heart you.

    {grin}

     
  6. liz(ard) 6.22.2003

    i never get emails like this. ever. what am i doing wrong? other than not listing my email address? i mean, someone could guess, i’m sure. if they really wanted to.

     
  7. Sean 6.23.2003

    I don’t know why, but a part of me believes that you reveled in being able to say “I am Jack’s reader mail”

     
  8. The Fancy Llama 6.23.2003

    AY! I live in Tucson too!

     

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