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Jett Superior laid this on you on || July 28, 2003 || 4:03 pm

Some letters:

Dear Wal-Mart,

Please, I beg of you, stop putting the inbreds behind the registers marked ‘Express Checkout’. I know this is probably very funny to you in a passive-aggressive sort of way, but crazily and with a touch of naivete, I believe your signs that say this is a faster lane.

Not too terribly annoyed this time, but you might want to watch that shit,

Jett BG Superior

::: :: ::: :: :::

Dear Irritable Chinese Guy,

You know I love you, you surly, effeminate piece of work you. You know I love your food, because my family and I get take-out from you at least once every coupla weeks. I think it’s funny how you begrudgingly take my phone order (KNOWing it’s me all the while) and then are sweet as pie when I pick up my meal(s), I adore the subtle way you have of poking fun at my Southerin accent whilst speaking in your heavy Chinese one, I look forward to seeing you. You pack one hell of a carry-out sack, m’brotha. You make my day in a deranged-fun kind of way (one day you’ll make it into a book or a screenplay, bank on it) each time I get to interact with you.

BUT, dear ICG, if you, for shits and giggles (as surely must have been the case today) EVER overfill my Szechuan vegetables with the sticky-hot sauce so that it overflows the the foil container, soaks the bag and ends up all over me and the car seats again…well, let’s just say that you an’ me’s goan tumble, and not in a fun, sexy way. My car smells like a rabid duck’s ass and there’s a huge grease stain that even the car seat can’t cover.

Damn you despite my affection for you,

Jett-ah Soopeeyee-ah

::: :: ::: :: :::

Dear GeeEmmAySee,

You know what, you fuckers? I know the fucking car payment is twelve fucking days late, you fuckjobbers. I know when the sonofabitching payments are due! You should too, seeing as how I’ve made them in a timely manner for three years now. And this is what, the THIRD vehicle I’ve financed with you, with nary a glitch in my past payment histories?

Cut a girl some slack. I explained to you that I’ve lost my job; I’ve explained to you that you’ll have the payment on the first. Youjustquickfuckingcallingme, okay you toady mothereffers? O-K-A-Y?

When I have my title in one hand, I’ll be flipping you the bird with the other,

Jett “BuddyGoFuckYourself” Superior

There. That’s a little better. And how are all my little Muffinasses today?

3 worked it out »

  1. Dean 7.28.2003

    This MuffinAss is a whole lot better after reading that – except for the painful burning that’s left when beer comes out one’s nose….

     
  2. Keith 7.28.2003

    What he said. Minus the beer.

     
  3. ntexas99 7.30.2003

    ouch … owie … oooomph

    thank you, thank you, thank you.

    for making me laugh out loud. I didn’t think I had a laugh anywhere in me today.

    thanks for proving me wrong.

     

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