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Jett Superior laid this on you on || August 17, 2003 || 2:31 am

Patti! Patti is the most recent addition to the Mayhemian Pursuitstm Club! Yes, my dear Muffinasses, it was Patti that I called when I was on the road tonight: “Hey, pssst…you wanna be a co-conspirator?” This was met with very little ‘ehm’, ‘ahhh’ and stammering before I got a conciliatory “Yokay.” You got to love New Yorkers on principle, because they play with the language almost as much as we Southerners do….and they are almost as full of shit.

I was working out in the sticks. That coupled with the lack of internet in the lovely little Saturncar and me being goaded by my swirly brain compelled me to call the ‘I’ma be up late tonight working’ Patti Ann Hesitant-But-Go-To-It Gal.

“Hokay, Patti…I need to find all flights departing Memphis within the next twenty minutes and heading straight-on for Seattle.”

“The EffBeeEye is going to come knocking on my door regarding this, aren’t they? What are you doing to meeee?” was Patti’s agreeable reply.

But Patti’s a sport, and despite her reservations she soldiered on. I’ma Thelma and Louise that girl yet. My big fantasy, actually, is to cram her and melly into a car, head it straight into Arizona and kidnap chumley so’s he can disgrace his family name right and proper by being seen with the three of we’ns in public. melliloulou will be humping the jukebox, Patti-My-Patti will be dirtydancing with some sexy young bald thing and hollering “PENIS! PEEEE-NIIIIIS!” and I, of course, will be throwing back tequila while mocking and just generally pissing off the local populace, inducing a riot with me as its nucleus.

The call dropped just shortly after I got the information I needed wanted, and by the time I called her back, she was already in bed (pfff…lightweight). I told her daughter with some measure of glee, “Hey, tell Patti that if the EffaBeeEye comes knockin’, she needn’t worry. They already have a file on me. Just tell her to point ‘em Southward.” snickersnicker, and the daughter’s all, “Ooohhhkaaaaay…….”

Of course your family doesn’t think all your weblogpals are freaks, Patti-ole-gal. OF COURSE NOT.

I keep forgetting to point you people in the direction of Patti’s newest project, ‘Every Picture Tells A (Short) Story’….really cool idear, and it works like this: You submit a photo to Patti and if she grooves on it, she posts it, OR you write a short about one of the photos already posted. You can also be a stage-hogging bastard like me and do both.

Here’s the photo your very own Jett Grrrl submitted, and here’s the (poorly formatted and riddled with typos) story I wrote — second one down.

If you don’t see a photo that tugs you, amble on through the archives. There’re more.

Patti’s projects, whee! I always have a great deal of fun with them.

….and after tonight, I must tell you the fact that I call melly ‘friend’ is a full-on neener-neener thing: I am so very lucky to have her (not that I wasn’t before, but most especially tonight). Her, and Matt, who just gets it and Unx, who –when I was having my government-induced nervous breakdown– was on the phone immediately doing what logical people do (factfinding, informing, brainstorming alternatives), and Leslie, who cooked me steak and makes me feel hugged over hundreds of miles on a reggler basis, and Cal, who is just so very as a person, and Dave, who (when people upset me terribly) makes like a good blogdaddy and offers to either send money or go beat the shit out of somebody if need be, and Laura, who knows how to nod and say ‘yep’ and ‘nope, yer not crazy, just a little crazed’, and redclay, who knows the importance of pet names for womenfolk and exactly the right music to send and when, and Keith, who is just a fucking dear, and chum, who lays on with the world’s BEST plaintive sighs and codgey one-liners and tolerates my oddly-timed phonecalls well despite not being a ‘phone person’, and Seth, who fears for his job security (*snort*) if it is ever found out that he hosts a heretic such as myself. That, and the fact that he is oddly adept at making fun of me (as well as inciting me to play along and enjoy it) while simultaneously making me feel good about myself: “I associate you with lobsters. No, really. Lobsters are intriguing.” See what I mean? I allus thought that lobsters were smelly and disgusting-looking, but here I find out that even though that may indeed be so, they are intriguing and I am a lobster by association, as Seth has no instance of sniffing me with which to gauge a similarity.

Not that I’m aware of, anyway. Seth is pretty weird. Who knows what clandestine sniffing operations he may well head up?

11 worked it out »

  1. Adam 8.17.2003

    Howdy Jett! Just thought I’d drop by and have a look around. You won’t believe this but I’ve even found a Helena based blogger! ANyways, greta to have made your acquaintence and I’ll be back often.

     
  2. Patti (No, sir mr. EffBeeEye Man, not THAT Patti) 8.17.2003

    (Psssssssst. Wooman, there are two men in dark suits that want to talk to you. And step daughter busted the door open to my room and announced to the darkness your message, and I got several pokes in the ribs – ‘what the fuck is that about? What have you done *now*??’)

     
  3. Ezrael 8.17.2003

    And as always, take care of yourself, and stay alert around ferns. Especially ferns wearing sunglasses and earphones.

     
  4. As long as we can stop and have a Sandwich.

    Oh my god.

    Permission to hump a certain sexy bald man?

    IN SANDWICH.

     
  5. Psssssst. It's me again, yeah, me (patti) 8.17.2003

    I meant to ask you — that bald guy? Is that the one-in-the-same bald guy I was telling you about? The one who’s head I stroked in the drugstore? That HOT guy? Or are we talking about some other guy? And just where the hell are you? I gots ta go to beeeeeeed. Peeeeeeeeenis. Peeeeeenis. Ppppppeeeeenis.

     
  6. Joe 8.17.2003

    If you do it, and head out here to Arizona, you have to promise to stop by and say hi! WARNING: Arizona is one hot bitch!

     
  7. the olive 8.18.2003

    yes. I can attest that Seth is an odd fellow. But a great guy and a good friend too. He’s also the biggest meat fiend I’ve ever met.

     
  8. brynne 8.18.2003

    memphis to seattle? is you gonna come’n see me?

     
  9. Jett 8.19.2003

    Bryndo baby, when you want me there?

    ‘Cos you know, I have a Matt and a Tara there, too.

    *seriously ponders a trip to Seattle*

     
  10. brynne 8.20.2003

    Well, shit… it’s lookin like my house is soon to be minus one occupant (not me) so when all that’s settled, you’ve an open invitation.

    word.

     
  11. The Dane 8.21.2003

    Jett, you are a big fat lobster and I love you forever. Or until the water finishes boiling.

     

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