A Random Image

Jett Superior laid this on you on || October 13, 2003 || 9:58 am

Things for today:

1) I found pretzels. Top floor of the technology building, east end. There is a wee alcove. Pepsi products can be procured here also.

2) Anatomy exam down. There are Ethics, Excel and Practical Lab Anatomy exams yet to conquer this week; my family will be subsisting on sandwiches. Pork now, caviar later is how these things run; trust me.

3) Ladies, inter-stall chat-ups are not cool in the restyroom. You hear me? Not. Cool. You wanna banter like you’re at the ballgame, then try the men’s…this is yet another thing that is ‘acceptable for the boys, but not for the gals’. Get over it. And, if I wasn’t clear before, shaddap while pissing, please!

4) If you canna figure out why your velour sweater is wearing more on this side (i.e., showing your brar over one nip and not t’other) or that side, pause a moment to collect your thoughts: Which boob is bigger? I’m betting a dime to a buck that’s your worn side. I bring the logic, you drink it in; you’re welcome, send cash.

5) My body cries out for a nap, yet I soldier on. I would like a tee-shirt that declares ‘HERO’, please.

6) I love my in-laws, but they are spending some time being unreasonable this week. To my great and silent delight, Maxim has been flying them the big ole middle finger. I do believe the boy is growing into hisveryownself.

7) This one was just to round things out and tell you fuckers that I certainly love you, and I hope your day is grand.

17 worked it out »

  1. Gary 10.13.2003

    Any of you ladies needing help deciding which boob is bigger, I am willing to help measure them for you. Call me: 865-555-BOOB (2662).

  2. yvonne 10.13.2003

    Ohhh, I hate when women try to start conversations with me while I’m on the pot. Hello, I don’t even like the fact that I have to be so fucking close to someone else takin a leak, I certainly don’t need to have the situation be anymore akward by trying to talk over the sound of urination leaking.

  3. c 10.13.2003

    mmmmmn… nap.

  4. The Dane 10.13.2003

    Waitaminnut…. who says it’s okay to carry on inter-stall conversation in the Men’s? The only time I’ll allow such conversation is when its a joke – you know, carrying on a conversation for the sake of weirding out the guy in the next stall.

  5. Joe 10.13.2003

    I’m a guy and I hate bathroom conversation. Especially if it starts with the guy in the other stall stating with, “Ahhhh, it’s poop time…”

  6. sean 10.13.2003

    You beat me to it, Dane. Yeah, even when it’s SRO in the men’s there’s little or no talking if it’s not a dad to his son or something. It’s just not done.

    There’s a exception clause to this rule that’s sometimes observed where two men in a men’s room can have brief words if they’re both performing the same action…both pissing…both washing their hands, etc. Not if one is “out of phase” with the other. And never during #2. You might just get your ass kicked.

    Hell, there’s all sorts of ways to get your ass kicked in the men’s room for not observing “the rules” Best to shut up, do your business and bugger off.

  7. waistdog 10.13.2003

    I’ve been pretty much terrified of public restrooms ever since I was a kid, and a rolly polly guy with a bad toupe, and burmuda shorts, asked if I needed help zipping up?

  8. melly 10.13.2003

    What about talking on the phone while pissing?

  9. Jett 10.13.2003

    melliloulou: are you doing it while in a public restroom? ‘cos then I’d have to say cut that mess out.

    and fellas (all of you): thanks for the insight! I mean, who knew?? I thought it was a big ole testosterone party in there. I may just have to trick you into more revelations about the Secret Clan O’ Male.

  10. sean 10.13.2003

    It boils down to some other guy thinking you’re queer, mostly. Irrational, yes, but that’s where it mostly comes down to.

    Have you ever seen the test for which urinal to go to? Maybe not, because it’s a guy thing, but it’s an interesting little psychology experiment? The short version. If you’re a guy and faced with these wall urinal choices, which one do you choose? Almost invariably you’ll get the same answer from American males:

    x= occupodo

    o= open

    xooox ooxoo oooox oxoxo

    #1…the middle, putting a stall between you and the other dudes

    #2…either end will do, the end nearest the door is generally prefered but usually the nastiest

    #3…the far left, putting as many spaces between you and the other dude as possible

    #4…you’re screwed, you can’t observe the one space rule betwee dudes because need trumps homophobic male bathroom manners, the better choice is the open stall nearest the exit though

  11. Richard D. Bartlett 10.13.2003

    sean: same is true for people at bus stops, tis no homo/hetero thing going down.

    dane: bollicks. Me and Al sing at each other across the stalls, ecnouraging sing-alongs. It’s a party.

    jett: lets play Cause and Effect! *crowd goes wild* I think of two random words, and you pick which is the cause and which is the effect, here we go: “Pretzels”, “Tired”.

    everyone else: ha! it is sunny now. up yours, northern hemisphere!

  12. Richard: You’re so so so wrong. Just because ‘you and Al’ do it, doesn’t mean the rest of us DO (and therefore doesn’t make it ohkay to sing in public toilets).

    Jett: Let me tell you a story that exemplifies Mensroom Politics:

    The other day a good friend of mine walked into a bar, met another pal (who is a girl) and mentioned how twisted it is to be peeing and see with horror that the guy next to you turns around and (god forbid) smiles. It is implied that this experience has just happened to my friend… later on the girl reveals that the boy of her fancy is coming to the bar to drink with them. Everyone is happy.

    The fancy-ed boy turns up. My friend recoils in horror… The Smiler!!! The first instant he gets a chance, my friend explains his physical reaction to the dude who’s just tried to have a beer with the girl he likes… the explanation ruins all hopes of a relationship, and the fancy-ed boy is dumped flat on his smiling erse. That’ll teach him for not shutting up and minding your own business I say.

  13. waistdog 10.14.2003

    There’s something a bit un-nerving for a straight male to walk into a public restroom and find the boys singing.

    And, Melly: I think it’s ok to talk on the phone while pissing, providing it’s not to the person next to you.

  14. sean 10.14.2003

    Daniel, yeah, serves him right. I didn’t even mention eye contact. That’s generally avoided, but full on smiling. Where do you live?

    If that happened in Texas he’d be lucky not to end up forcefully injesting a urinal mint from a vertically inverted position.

    I still say it’s about homophobia, or projected homophobia. Even if you aren’t really homophobic, by _projecting_ it in a men’s room you’re just non-verbally signalling the other guys they don’t have to be self-conscious when they whip their junk out.

  15. Gary 10.14.2003

    Men do talk on cell phones in bathrooms all the time. It why I NEVER borrow another man’s cell phone. You always know where its probably been. You also don’t know what he used to push the “send” button.

  16. brynne 10.14.2003

    yo estoy un muffinass.

    that’s all.

    thank you.

  17. Jett 10.14.2003

    bryndo-baby, you forgot ‘origanale’ in there somewhere.

    you little hottie, you.


RSS feed for comments on this post.

(you know you want to)