A Random Image

Jett Superior laid this on you on || November 12, 2003 || 12:25 am

My childhood memories are being traded on eBay.

It’s true, God help me.

I remember being four or five years old and having that exact same record case. I loved me some Donny and Marie, let me tell you. I was camped out some eighteen inches from the tube (back when I was the remote control and there were three networks not counting PeeBeeEss and knobs existed to turn them on and off –they really did– and those knobs made a loud click and I think I remember hearing the television hummmmm as it warmed on up to my upturned cherubic face, oh yes) each and every, hmm, Thursday night I think it was, freshly scrubbed and turned out in wee bare feet and a ruffle-hemmed nightie. This little piggy went to market and I’m a little bit rock and roll, Just Like You, my Donny.

I always had that record case right with me on those occasions, because it solidified the Osmond Bondtm that I so obviously had and no one else did. Especially other girls, little or big. No one was anywhere near my standings as the future Ms. Donny, oh no.

Yes, that record case was right at my side as I drank in the yummy Osmondy goodness each week, only my case looked not nearly as poppin’ fresh as that one does; I have to question the existence of a soul in someone who could keep a record case that pristine. For the love of pete, even if you don’t kiss the vinyl(ish?) covering right off of Donny’s (or Marie’s, even though those times were not as, ehm, ‘progressive’ as the ones we live in now) toothy fucking face, how could you not near-mangle that cheapish little (essentially glorified cardboard) box with the simple act of wagging your music around everywhere with you, pulling it out, listening, putting it back in again? How? How, I ask you?

As my tastes had not yet reached the refined level that they would by say, age eight, most of what got carted around in that box consisted of storybook records –”When you hear the ‘DING’ turn the page!”– of which, Jack and the Beanstalk seemed to be my favorite (even then I sympathised with adventurously running off to faraway lands). Oh, there were a handful of regular forty-fives in there, as well, but I only really recall one of them. That one being Mungo Jerry’s “In the Summertime” (dee dee dee deet dee), the flipside of which was –DO YOU REMEMBER??– “Mighty Man”. Okay, I vaguely remember some “Beans In My Ears” song, too, but I can’t go to bat on the artist or the b-side on that one.

Why didn’t anybody love that record box, huh? Why wasn’t it Loved Right To Piecestm??

All of this ire just a long way of saying that I wish, very much, that I had that fucking box. I don’t love Donny so much now, and I don’t have any storybook records to fill it lovingly with, but I got memories aplenty that would elbow one another for room and crowd out the fucking thing to such a degree that the seams just might pop.

10 worked it out »

  1. Richard D. Bartlett 11.12.2003

    put a bid of 20 huck on it, my shout.

  2. Dean 11.12.2003

    My sister still had her Donny & Marie record case. Not only that, but she still has all of her old records, INCLUDING her 45’s and a turntable. How scarey is that?

    My favorite story record was The Grasshopper and the Ant. It was especially funny when you cranked it up to 72 rpm.

    Ahhh, the joys these kids today miss out on.

  3. Crazy Lady 11.12.2003

    Two words for you: Leif Garrett.

    *sigh* My heart palpitates just typing his name. Most of my early-years writing career centered on the circumstances surrounding our “chance” meeting and how we fell in love, married and had many babies sporting Farrah Fawcett locks. *sigh*

    And now he’s porking out, balding, doing dinner theater in Michigan, and in and out of rehab. Pffffft. Figures.

    For some reason, I recall pancakes being involved in that whole fantasy relationship… Ummm.. yeah, pancakes. WTF?

  4. melly 11.12.2003

    First the craft shows, now this. I fret that you are just not as cool as I thought you were.

    It seems the only way you can redeem yourself is by making out with me, snorting coke, riding through Nuevo Laredo on a donkey, and getting into a fist fight at a mexican dive bar.

    Especially the making out with me part. That is CRUCIAL to our plan of putting you back on the path to coolness.


  5. sean 11.12.2003

    OMG, I remember those storybook records…”now, huh-huh-heh, let’s begin!”

    I got so sad when I found out TIME TRAVELER closed down in Culver City. It was an antique/collectable toy store about three 7/11’s deep where each case was a different dealer/collector. Even when I didn’t buy anything, because it was all very pricey, looking at some of it brought back such memories.

  6. Leslie 11.12.2003

    I didn’t have the Donny and Marie record case but I DID have the Donny and Marie lunch box which I carried with me EVERYWHERE. Inside it were my Donny and Marie barbies. I sure did love his purple socks, that sexy beast of a man!

  7. Gary 11.12.2003

    I always wanted Marie’s box. Hmmm, now that I think about it I might still want it.

  8. Sgt. Mac 11.12.2003

    Well I am aging myself here, but my fav toy was a Hop-A-Long Cassiday Cowboy set.

    A White large brimed cowboy hat, (Good Guys wore white, bad guys wore black), a red neckerhief around my neck, a set of gleaming silver six shooters, slung off a wide western belt, with silver buckle, (Think it had an image of Cassiday or his hose?), in two leather like holsters, tied to my legs, like the old western gunslingers….

    Man oh Man….., That and my trusty stead, a old broom handle with a wooden horse head and an a mange of mop hair…..

    Giddy Up Pardner! Bang!, Bang!

  9. Lili 11.14.2003

    Please, please, for the love of all that is holy never send me to E-bay! That site just gets me in trouble….and yes I did watch ever so faithfully just as you did, scrubbed up, pink nightie and all. I also discovered a passion for the Sonny and Cher show…and often mimicked Cher’s tongue in cheek actions as a child…to my mother’s horror.

  10. The Llama 11.14.2003

    The LlamaMama used to ride with Marie. One of our friends is an actress, and was in a movie with Marie and there was some work in town (yeeeeears ago in Tucson) being done, so they called up my ma and said “Wanna go shopping?” and stuff like that.

    Kinda cool, I think. But I might be wrong. And LOOKAMEE!!! Commenting like a real live reader again! Ho lee she it!


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