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Jett Superior laid this on you on || December 24, 2003 || 9:52 am

Don’t be hatin’, I’m hiatin’.

So, yeah, I’m at momma and daddy’s. Yesterday we were hauling felled trees from one end of the North Fucking Forty to the other end of the North Fucking Forty. Sam and I were ‘delicately transporting’ one whose trunk was about as thick as my head (no pun intended) when I hit a hole. MY trunk went one way, my legs went another, entirely opposite way and I lie there for three minutes not breathing because that meant I had to move my ribcage, which subtly moved my spine, which REALLY FUCKING HURT.

So now I’m all hopped up on Goofenthals, Merry Christmas!!! No, really, I mean it. No, really.

That ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ song has the dumbest lyrics ever, but it makes me go a misty one every time.

I hope you’re all warm and happy and blessed this holiday season. If you’re not, I’m sorry to inform you that you cannot call me because my mobile is miles away from any tower that will service it. That, and I’m busy taking moody black-and-white pictures of the countryside.

Lest I forget, best wishes to our non-believing brethren and sistren:


:: the atheist’s nativity ::

I’m hoping that one day they come over to the believer’s side of the fence, because I feel so fucking heretical every year when I post that. Funny, but heretical.

You people take care of yourselves, and take care of someone else that needs it, too. See you in the New Year.

pee ess….my mom says ‘hi’

18 worked it out »

  1. The Llama 12.24.2003

    Well, tell your momma that I said hi back. And also, Merry Christmas and lots-o-holiday cheer!! It’s easy to be cheery when you’re all painfree, so be extra crazy and happy for this holiday.

    Anyway, I’ll be back soon. I’m plannin’ on gettin’ me a computer back up in this bitch for 2004, so we’ll see how that goes.

    Be good everyone. And if you can’t be good… be safe. Happy Days!

     
  2. Joe 12.24.2003

    I think as an atheist I can fairly say that a blank picture would have more accurately captured the moment , but that’s just me! Hehe. I hope your not to beat up though and I can totally sympathize with you because growing up we always had to cut and move wood for heating. I don’t know how many times I fell, got crushed or nearly decapitated in the process of moving all that stupid wood! Have a wonderful winter solstice!

     
  3. waistdog 12.24.2003

    Mmmmmm.

    Goofenthals.

    Probably go good with my Christmas Beers.

    Have yourself a good Christmas Miss Jett.

    And the rest of y’all that loiter here.

     
  4. Valerie (Kyriosity) 12.24.2003

    Christmas blessings on all the Superior heads. Not to mention their ribs, spines and any other Goofenthal-requiring bits!

     
  5. Sgt. Mac 12.24.2003

    A Jett Christmas

    Twas the Day before Christmas, when out in the woods,

    Jett and her people hunted poor Rudolph for food.

    One dirty boot sock left on the mantle with care,

    In hopes that a third cousin, the boot sock would scare.

    Poor hungry children, left alone in their beds,

    Had visions of Rudolph, food in their heads.

    Grandma in her kerchief, and I in my cap,

    Had just settled down for a long winters nap.

    When out in the back forty, there arose such a clatter,

    I sprang up in my Jammies to see what was the matter.

    Away to the window, I flew like an ass,

    Tore open the shutters and threw open the sash.,

    The sun was a glow over new fallen snow,

    And gave lustre to many objects below.

    When what to my red swollen eyes should appear,

    But a miniature Polaris and eight of the wood chopping crew.

    With a fat ol’ driver, spread over the seat,

    I knew in a moment it must be the Maintenance guy Pete.

    More rabid and rapid than rats in our barn,

    I watched as they made their way with Jett our Forlorn.

    With a whistle, a shout, Pete called them by name,

    “Now, Dean, now, Kerry, Gebhardt and formerly Nixon!

    On, Kucinich, on Edwards, on, Clark and Al Sharpton!

    To the door of the cabin, and inside the hall!

    Transported the Jett girl, to bed she then fell.

    Like a leaf I had fallen, she said on the fly,

    Transporting a tree, I stepped in a hole and up came the sky.

    Back to the woods on Polaris’s blue,

    With axes and chain saws, went the maintenance crew.

    And then, in a twinkling, I heard Jett girl holler in vain,

    I need some Goddenfuls for my f….n pain.

    As I drew my hand forward, to retrive a bottle of pills,

    She said, “Faster you old fart,” for I stomp on yer nerves!

    A handful of goodenfuls, a half bottle of Gin,

    Jett girl was out, and as I headed to the Den.

    Soon all were snuggled asleep in their beds,

    Lots of wood for the fire, fast in our heads.

    The next morning she awoke to a clatter,

    Perhaps the maintenance crew, in Kitchen and chatter.

    Eyes swollen half shut by Gin in a bottle,

    She squinted and peered at the man in the suit.

    He was dressed all in flannel, from his head to his foot,

    And his clothes were all tarnished with sap and red root;

    A bundle of firewood flung on his back,

    He looked like a woodcutter, like Pete but with red hat.

    His eyes..they were red, but he looked kinda’ merry,

    His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

    His mouth was drawn up to the lip of a bottle,

    And he tipped it back and took a big swallow.

    The beard of his chin was as white as the snow,

    And he bent forward and gave me a bow.

    The stump of a pipe hung tight in his teeth.

    And Smoke circled his head like a wreath,

    He had a broad face, and a large beer belly,

    That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of spam jelly.

    Chubby and plump, like a jolly old fart,

    I laughed when he told me I looked like a tart!

    A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

    Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

    As I eased back on my pillow, to see what was to happen,

    He stepped back to a red bag on the floor which he opened.

    He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

    And filled my nylons; then turned with a jerk,

    And laying his finger aside of his nose,

    Said Rush sent me some Cordone and more Goodenfuls!!;

    He sprang to his Polaris, and with a nod to his team,

    Gave a pull on the chain, and away like dream.

    But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

    “HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO JETT GIRL AND A GOODENFUL NIGHT!!!”

     
  6. Ross 12.25.2003

    Merry Christmas!

     
  7. laura 12.25.2003

    Merry Christmas Jett! I hope you have a wonderful holdiay! :D

     
  8. William 12.25.2003

    Hey,

    Merry Christmas!

     
  9. melly 12.26.2003

    Merry late Christmas my fond fucker.

     
  10. Kate S. 12.29.2003

    I hope you’re ok, girl. Just stopped by to wish you a Happy New Year and that I’m anxious to see your moody black n’ white pics of the countryside.

     
  11. Keith 12.29.2003

    Hey Jett! Thanks for the card, and I miss you too!! I’m bringing my blogs back. Tina’s is already up. http://tina.zerocubed.com/

     
  12. Angel 12.29.2003

    Merry Christmas, Happy New Year. I hope you are fine and I hope Trout had the merriest of Christmases… Christmassss… Christmas’s….errrr, yes.

     
  13. gjoe 12.30.2003

    Ms. Superior, you certainly MUST stop this hiating nonsense.

    I’m having Jett Withdrawl.

    Seriously.

    Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

     
  14. Anonymous 12.30.2003

    gjoester:

    one day, I’m coming to kansas citaaaay to kiss you.

    but not with tongue, because I’m married.

     
  15. Jettomatika 12.30.2003

    (anon because I’m still committing hiatus-like behavior.)

    (I had to check on some eBay auctions and do comments drive-bys on everbodee’s sites)

    (k. bye now.)

     
  16. melly 12.30.2003

    I told you they’d start freaking out.

     
  17. lizard 12.30.2003

    omg i still remember seeing the world premier showing of ‘do they know it’s christmas’ on mtv. a lifetime ago oh i was so so so young.

    they make melon vodka. it’s not as good as the banana vodka.

     
  18. John 12.30.2003

    Check the malls with musak gratin’

    Fa la la la la, la la la la.

    Tis the season to be haitin’

    Fa la la la la, la la la la.

    Don we now our gay apparel,

    Oh la la la la, la la la la.

    Maybe not like Elf Will Ferrell.

    Fa la la la la, la la la la.

    Sorry for all the folks a waitin’

    Fa la la la la, la la la la.

    You could spend the time a matin’

    Oh la la la la, la la la la.

    Follow me in merry pleasure,

    Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

    Get you some Yuletide treasure,

    Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

    Fast away last year’s asses,

    Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

    Hail the pouring of fresh glasses,

    Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

    Sing we drunken kereoke together,

    Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

    Heedwiss of groans to do bev-ther,

    Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

     

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