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Archive for January, 2004

The one where I try to reason with the bunny snugglers.

Hey there PeTA,

How you doin’?

Listen, I just wanted to tell you that if you don’t stop mailing your asswitted propaganda to my lovely but sometimes incredibly naive spouse, I’ma make it my personal mission to campaign fervently against your ‘organization’ and seek out your members one by one so that I can offer them a sweet weedle rabies-laden racoon to love on, you lamentably foolish monkey-hugging fucks.

Sevincerely,

Jett “I Think We All Know I’m Not Truly Kidding” Superior

pee ess…..no ferrets were harmed in the crafting of this website; don’t make me start.

peepee ess….and after them, the sugar gliders are next.

And now for something I really don’t fucking understand….

Why on earth do people that have non English-speaking weblogs title them in English? What the fuck is the purpose of this practice?

It’s deceptive and I don’t like it. You hear me?? DON’T LIKE IT!

Just as soon as I’m multilingual I will go and tell them so.

Lemme just save some time and effort for a lot of folks here.

This is a post rife with controversy! It has bold speculation, sweeping generalizations, and something offensive for everyone! It is deceitful, overly-honest and sweet. It’s hostile! It panders and jabs in turns.

It is riddled with inaccuracies and ambiguity! It’s painfully one-sided and grossly waffling in order to garner affection and approval from the Lefties, Righties, and Inbetweenies (weenies being the most valuable part of the word). <--NOW look! It's full of clever insult, as well.

It is jealous of your blog, your dog, your mailbox and your bathroom floor. It draws all sorts of nasty conclusions and pictures about you while coyly licking your boots. It e-mails your fellow Cyberians with ‘not-quite-gossip-but-did-you-hear’ little tidbits.

It’s sneaky. It’s crrrreepy and friendly. It’s dramatic and Fully Ensconced In….something. It’s misleading and genuine.

Frankly, my friend, it Drops Your Fucking Jaw. It should be ashamed and penitent. It should cater more to you. And you. And you. It should backpedal and Rally Others Quietly for their support. It should go, post-haste, and don martyr’s robes, flogging itself publicly until such time as it feels up to flaming again.

It is shameless and tiresome and unaware of its idiocy.

Now respond.

 
|| January 12, 2004 || 10:03 pm || Comments (6) ||

MacGyver It, round three

A tuning fork, a half-smashed ping-pong ball and an empty plastic checkbook cover…MacGyver it!

Bonus item: A used ‘Hello, I’m…’ badge sticker-thingy with the name ‘Frederique’ written on it in blue sharpie.

And He spake, saying, “Thou shalt not float down the river of Blog Iniquity into Digital Selloutsville.”

To answer Angie’s question, these are the Bloggies.

True stawry: In a careless fit of pique, I actually went over there to nominate some folks. Folks that are worthy; weblogs that otherwise would never have seen the light of day where that whole Bloggies shebang is concerned. I painstakingly filled in all most of the iddy boxes and, in looking for a specific URL, managed to accidently jump the page forward. When I hit the back button on my browser, all the iddy boxes had been cleared.

I cursed and bit my knuckles and even threw things carefully considered (over a few minutes’ time…when I say ‘carefully’, I mean carefully) whether or not to retry the whole deal, and just as I was looking up yet another URL so that I may proceed, I caught an error that said the window I was working in would be closed.

“Awright,” I told my machine, “you do what you gotta do, ole pal.” and it promptly shut down every fucking window I had open. This was a first since I’ve owned this particular computer, and surely a sign from the God O’ Interweb that I should not proceed with –nay, even entertain– such heresy.

Thus, I am spared from blatant weblog sinning. Even so, it’s such a shame; so, so many of you coulda been contenders.

 
|| January 11, 2004 || 11:56 pm || Comments (5) ||

(ways to entertain yourself while driving)

Road words.

Road music.

Ask yourself, “What would my doppelganger, Dino, do?”

Things that melly and I have in common that make her believe that she is entitled to sleep with me….even though I’m not a lesbian and she, admittedly, is inexperienced at being one (and, in her own words, is not truly a lesbian and only wants “…to play with boobies, really.”).

~S.E. Hinton
~Cowboy Junkies
~chili pepper lights
~the belief that my husband has a hot phone voice

And you know, I’ve had relationships in the past that were based on less.