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Jett Superior laid this on you on || July 1, 2004 || 11:26 pm

I, Bargain Whore

As Maxim has vegetarian leanings, and as I love a great big ole salad several times a week, we run through our share of salad fixings. I noticed this afternoon that we were out of leafy green lettuce (the real-and-proper name of it escapes me presently), so that necessitated a trip to Wal-Mart to pick some up. I didn’t begrudge this in the least, as I needed a couple of other things anyway.

And ohholycow, I’m so very glad I went, because I found four-packs of these on a rolling cart, marked down to FIFTY CENTS PER CARTON! <--Did you hear that? FIFTY. CENTS. I loaded up my poor buggy but fast.

Look, this may mean nothing to you, but I am

ay) a mother

bee) a wife

cee) a college student

dee) a full-time workingperson

ee) someone who is highly allergic to aspartame

eff) someone who despises the icky aftertaste of ‘ee’

gee) someone who isn’t big on eating breffus

aytch) someone, as illustrated by ay through dee, who has no time for a ‘real’ breffus anyhow

eye) a broke-ass motherfucker most of the time

jay) a lover of EAS products from way back before Bill lost his mind and sold the fucking company to a bunch of assraping corporate-type shirts that jacked with the pricing structure of every last product,

so it means something akin to a major holiday for me.

Mathias watched in silent curiosity as I stacked the drinks up to scary, teetering, tipping-over proportions in my cart before he asked, “MOMMY! WHY ARE YOU HOGGING UP ALL DEM DRINKS?” I bribed him with a teevee dinner (what he considers the pinnacle of no-no eating, as well he should) to get him to pipe down, but it was worth it. I have a buttload of ninety-five-percent-off drinks that will last me just about till the expiration date next June. ‘Bout time I caught a fucking break.

::: :: ::: :: ::: :: :::

According to 20 Questions to a Better Personality, whose disclaimer loudly states “This is the personality test that leaves the rest behind. It does make judgment calls, and it does assess your role in society, so faint of heart beware,” I am:

…an SEDL–Sober Emotional Destructive Leader. This makes you a dictator. You prefer to control situations, and lack of control makes you physically sick. You feel have responsibility for everyone’s welfare, and that you will be blamed when things go wrong. Things do go wrong, and you take it harder than you should.

You rely on the validation and support of others, but you have a secret distrust for people and distaste for their habits and weaknesses that make you keep your distance from them. This makes you very difficult to be with romantically. Still, a level-headed peacemaker can keep you balanced.

Despite your fierce temper and general hot-bloodedness, you have a soft spot for animals and a surprising passion for the arts. Sometimes you would almost rather live by your wits in the wilderness somewhere, if you could bring your books and your sketchbook.

You also have a strange, undeniable sexiness to you. You may go insane.

Once again, one o’ them kooky web quizzes was dead on the money. And I’m not saying that with my tongue in my cheek, either. Frankly, it’s none of your concern where precisely my tongue is, has been, or ever will be, but you should know that it’s nowhere near the ole cheek at the present.

That quiz link was via J-Mo, as is this little link here (which made me fall over dead with laughter but come back from the spirit world so that I could watch it once again and laugh like a loon some more), though indirectly…she liked the ‘Titanic‘ one. There’s no accounting for taste, after all.

And hey, because I know you were worried about it, I found something great to do with all those extra Gmail invites I’ve got stacked up. Gmail swap has become tedious, repetitive and just generally no fun; Gmail for the Troops, however, is fully hubba-hubba in my book. You know me, any way I can service a serviceman (eyebrow wiggle goes here)…if you have any spares, I wish you’d consider dumping them into the pool, as well.

Night-night, sweet Muffinasses. I have a shitload to do tomorrow, which officially begins for me in five hours.

3 worked it out »

  1. hans in the box 7.2.2004

    EAS is evil, pure evil. They are the only manufacturers of protien bars that are even close to palatable. Cookies and Cream…mmmm.

    My brother is a 6 month follower of Bill, and he is in the best shape he’s ever been in, the princely S.O.B. .

    and finally the lettuce without a name”

    ROMAINE

     
  2. “Each Smoothie is packed with 11 grams of protein per serving and loaded with vitamins A, B, C and E. The Lite Smoothies are Fat Free”

    Dear Beth,

    Eat an egg

    Love Rich

     
  3. Jettomatika 7.2.2004

    Dear Rich,

    What they don’t tell you is that I add a scoop of protein powder to them and besides, I can’t even buy a four-pack of eggs for fitty sont!

    Your adoring,

    .beth.

    ….and hansy: ‘hans down’ made me pee myself a little.

     

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