A Random Image

Jett Superior laid this on you on || July 8, 2004 || 2:30 pm

Things I’ve learned while away:

(from blogging, that is)

1) When I am without a weblog, I can watch Law & Order on a pseudo-regular basis. (Best line EVER was recently: “I’m an autodidact. Sometimes I hate my mother.”)

2) Being self-employed is great, except at tax time. (sonofawhore!) Thus far, a small forest has been felled and fed through my printer.

3) I thought I would miss weblogging immensely. *shrug* I haven’t.

4) I am, however, more surly without one…a weblog, that is. Please reference comment areas 1, 2, 3 (perhaps there are others, who can recall spastic fits of rage?) for hard proof.

5) Sam has been palming his meds, which (SURPRISE!) caused great drama and loads and loads of fancy new tics, some of which (infuriatingly enough) he deemed as “Pretty dang funny.” Great: My kid not only has Tourette, he is sorely lacking in sense.

6) The onset of prepubescent angst in one Scout is not as amusing as I’d previously imagined it to be.

7) Sleeping in a racecar bed can be quite the relaxing thing. When I sleep, that is.

8) Some days lately I’m so tired that I believe I just might die if I take one…more….step.

9) People, when posed with the conspicuous absence of one of their daily reads, come up with some side-splitting voice- and e-mails to lure you back into the fold more quickly.

10) Underarm waxing=NO. Please recall that this advice is coming from someone who has squeezed three wee squalling things the size of watermelons out of something that dilates to roughly the size of a small grapefruit; also recall that I’ve received tattoos on some of the boniest, sinewy-est (read: most painful) spots on the human body….and never winced nor broke a sweat. Allow me to repeat: Underarm waxing=NO. The standard bikini and leg waxes are still okay, but shave them there pits, baby.

11) Some days it’s just simply necessary to wear really bad lip gloss and leer disconcertingly at various (but not sundry) people.

12) Saying, “I’m sad. Where did the cake go?” will not make said confection re-appear as if by magic. Nosiree, not atall.

13) When your local five-year-old says, “Close your eyes, please, I have Sumping For You: A surprise!” then just do it and stand ready. There will either be kisses for your forehead and both cheekbones or the most amazing rip in a new jacket that you have ever seen. Both options offer an ‘exciting’ break in the deluge of homework/test-studying that you are faced with.

14) When you wearily shrug off your clothes after five hours of school, eight hours of work and three (a miniscule part of the whole) loads of laundry, proceed to rub your newly-emancipated breasts in what you deem to be a not-so-sexy fashion and your husband immediately ushers in Mister Stifford and says, “We haven’t had sex in a week,” he will not see the source of amusement behind your peals of hysterical laughter. In fact, he may go so far as to be offended.

15) Testifying in a parental rights-termination case: Nope, doesn’t get any easier, third time or thirteenth time.

16) If you think that you may be about to throw a bearing or lose a ceevee joint, try slapping on a brand new set of tires. *poof* Like magic. And like suddenly riding on pillows.

17) Writing an ode to your favorite Converse One-Stars: Not as easy as one might imagine upon first sitting down and wetting pencil on tongue.

18) That ‘Bitch’ song by Meredith Brooks? Still hate it.

19) One of my cinematic boyfriends has been cast to play one of my literary boyfriends in the best marriage of sci-fi and comedy EVER! (…and who will make a better Trillian than Zooey Deschanel, I ask you? Who?? Nobody, that’s who.)

12 worked it out »

  1. hans shake 7.8.2004

    “Underarm waxing=NO. ”

    great, there goes MY evening.

    Rockwell as Zaphod. Yea, I can see it, I always visualized Adams writing himself into Zaphod. Really, the only other choice would have been Rowan Atkinson; but he is long past Zaphod’s age/appearance range.

  2. blambozeenio 7.8.2004

    As a kid, I always identified with Arthur Dent. Dammit, I’m sad. WHERE DID THE CAKE GO?

  3. Jettomatika 7.8.2004

    hans: Rowan=too MUCH spastic and not ENOUGH cool. And your name-shifts are tickling me to death.

    blamb: SEE? No cake!

  4. blamb 7.8.2004

    I don’t think that I can take it, cause it took so long to bake it, and I’ll NEVER have the recipe again. OH NO!

  5. hans span 7.8.2004

    I said Rowan Atkinson NOT Jim Carey!

    J/K Seriously….

    Rowan Atkinson could pull it off. I don’t know if you have ever seen any of the BBC series “Black Adder”; if you did, you might recall one of the seasons was titled “Black Adder goes forth”. It showed a greater depth to Rowan Atkinson then a person who has become numb to his pantomime antics could imagine. It was very unusual, being set in the trenches of WWI France. 10 years later, it’s ending still haunts me to this day. I highly recommend renting it. The coolness aspect might have been an issue, but there is no doubt that Rockwell will pull it off with relative ease.

  6. empty hans 7.9.2004


    Everything I’ve worked on (at work) for the last week has just been pissed away after a two and a half hour meeting with my boss in which we essentially concluded that the software I was evaluating will likely not suit our needs and that I should explore other (software) solutions.

    At least I can take solace in the fact that I didn’t pick out this bloated yet crippled beast; I just got stuck changing it’s colostomy bag.

    I figured if I whined on your site, I could re-read some of the crap you have gone through with your job and that would put it all in perspective.

    Time to make my way home, beat my wife and kiss the dog.

  7. CNL 7.10.2004

    It figures that *you* would hate the one song I consider to be my *theme* song. I’m wondering if my Elvis play list would be bothering you too?

    ..:: A little less conversation, a little more action please

    All this aggravation ain’t satisfactioning me ::..

    *doin’ the go-go dancer thang*

  8. Jettomatika 7.10.2004

    Remember, darling, that I am FROM Memphis.

    Therefore, I certainly despise Elvis.

  9. melly 7.11.2004

    I bought that Meredith Brooks cd when it came out. This can’t lower your opinion of me though because I was just a wee, budding bitch. I didn’t know what it really mean to be a raging egomaniac yet.

  10. Jenni 7.15.2004

    Rockwell as Zaphod. *shivers* that’s beautiful!!!

  11. Jettomatika 7.16.2004

    Ain’t it just?

    Let me tell you, even though that boy is damn short, I could just eat him with a spoon.

    I’d just put mounds of whipped cream on him first to make up for the height difference.

  12. Jenni 7.17.2004

    I’m a short girl *grin* … although I wouldn’t complain about the whipped cream thing.

    Too funny.


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