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Jett Superior laid this on you on || August 6, 2004 || 12:27 am

Kid Tuna and the Kindergarten Mojo

Dinner conversation with the Superiors

ROXIE: “There’s a crayon called Tuna? REALLY?”

MAXIM: “Really. It’s a whole new world, Mom.”

JETT: “And it’s fraught with strangeness and complexity.”

So last night was kinnygarten orientation.

Let me just say right here and right now that I am fully annoyed by long-winded people that hold you captive involuntarily just because they can. I am even more annoyed, then, by a string of several people in a row with the aim of doing precisely that.

I’ll go you one further and just tell you that I am also fully annoyed by anything with the word ‘orientation’ anywhere in its title.

So, kinnygarten orientation, by the simple fact that it incorporates both unflinchingly, gets my automatic ire. I will be derisive in the face of it, you just know I will!

I had a headache by the tenth minute into the whole farging shebang. Then, just as it has so often occurred to me in the past, I had a flash of brilliance so beautiful in its straightforwardness that it should be a fucking Fellini film.

There should be a Common Sense Test!

Yes indeedy, there should be a common sense test and everyone should be required to take it. All those individuals that score [X amount] or higher should be excused from things including long-winded people that hold you captive involuntarily just because they can and all things that include ‘orientation’ anywhere in the description or title.

Don’t worry about me; after I figured out how many BPM my headache was pounding away at, I had fun mixing songs against it in my (massively bored and ADD-spastic) mind. Eventually they freed us to go and meet the teacher, who had already sent us a lovely postcard and left a wonderful message on our machine at home. She had the right amount of spark in her voice without being kinnygarten-teacher ‘bubbly’. I had already decided I liked her, sight unseen.

Then, just a couple of days ago, I hear that she is the subject of MUCH SCANDAL on this here mountain, in this here community, because she stood up in front of The First Almighty Church of Community Power With Stress On Being Fiscally Established with her partner at her side and declared what can be best described as their ‘alternative lifestyle‘ in a ‘take-me-or-leave-me’ kinda fashion. HOO-WEE!

We met her –she is great– and it turns out we have an automatic ‘in’ because my gorgeous and super sis-in-law worked for her last year for some college credits and they got on famously, both being superbly creative and sweet people. We got our orientation packet, chatted up a couple other parents we know from preschool (Mathias’ best friend from preschool got put in the same class…how great is THAT?) and prepared to leave.

Kinnygarten Teach had a large yellow pad roughly the size of one of her students on the front table, and written on it in large, five-year-old-friendly letters was this:

“Pick out your favorite color and write your name with it below:”

Beneath it was a large, inviting space and next to it was a basket of chunky Crayola markers.

Two little girls were busily crafting ‘o’s and ‘a’s and Mathias patiently waited his turn after selecting the requisite ‘gweem‘. As we spoke with the teacher individually, he painstakingly put the marker to the page. When we were ready to depart, I glanced toward where he was writing what I thought would be his name.

He had written the word ‘tuna’*.

Ladies and gentlemen, it will most assuredly be an, ahem, interesting year.

*The teacher was amazed and congratulatory in the face of my kid’s word-prowess; I was horrified. TUNA.

9 worked it out »

  1. Skillzy 8.6.2004

    Wait, your kid coaches the Cowboys? Ask him if they’re gonna be OK with Testaverde (that means gweem head to you Eye-talians) at QB.

  2. SmedRock 8.6.2004

    Ahhh, I can see myself next year yawning through the same thing. Fortunately my wife will be teaching in the same district that my daughter will attend, so maybe, just maybe, I will be able to ’skip’ that part of the presentation.

  3. Guy 8.6.2004

    And I am totally annoyed at people who even pronounce, let alone spell, the word “kindergarten” as “kinnygarten” or any of its sound-alikes. What comes after that year? “Furs grade”?

  4. Jett 8.6.2004

    Dear Guy,

    He is five. Cut the boy some slack. There is still much time for grammatical precision.

    As for me, I’m imitating him as well as playing with the language.

    My blog=not a doctoral thesis. Obviously.

    Love and stuff,


    pee ess….as we’ve not yet reached grade one, I cannot comment on probable pronunciations. Will keep you informed.

  5. Jettomatika 8.6.2004


    Get it?

  6. Wendolene 8.6.2004

    Here’s my past post about Common Sense Exams: link

  7. Mish 8.6.2004

    That does it. I have been curious for some time as to how many colors have changed since I owned a box of Crayolas. I’m gonna go get me some tonight and find out. Once again, you have inspired me.

  8. ntexas99 8.6.2004

    gweem tuna ?

    hurry … get the


    while you still can !

  9. Jett 8.10.2004

    Wendy, I don’t even remember reading that entry! (I thought? I had been reading you that long…maybe not)

    Great minds and all that junk, woo!

    Mish, I cry. TUNA IS A ‘COLOR’.


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