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Jett Superior laid this on you on || May 20, 2005 || 10:29 am


This morning, as my spouse was looking frantically for his keys in that ‘inna-bout-two-minutes-Ima-be-late” fashion, he yanked up the corner of a pillow that rested on the wicker trunk at the end of the sofa.

Unfortunately, he was so flustered and hurried that he neglected to see/realize that the pillow corner he was yanking three feet upward in a rapid fashion was indeed the end of the BODY PILLOW that my LOVING MOMMA bought for my PERHAPS COMFORT while she was here. Likewise, he did not see/realize that I was indeedly-doo RESTING MY (pitifully smasharooed and painstakingly put back together) LAIG on it at the time.

I howled, his butthole sucked up to his chin (and was visibly reflected in his eyes, I swear) and he froze with a sick look on his face. I said three things in rapid fashion.

“I HATE YOU!” (snarling, through sobs)

“Why did you doooo that?” (whiny, plaintive, now the sobs are hiccuppy, like a little kid)

GET. OUT.” (still crying, but voice tinged with that echoey, Satan-y feel)

I’ve never, ever –not in our seven years of marriage, not in our eleven years of knowing one another– told my spouse that I hated him. Not once. I felt like about five-feet-ten inches worth of Grade-Ay Prime Asshole. I know he didn’t do it on purpose. I know his scope of vision at the time was concentrated on the twelve-inch area he was exploring, and that was it. Maxim is one of the most tender people I have ever known, and I’m the last person on the planet that he’d ever hurt intentionally. So after I heard the door click softly, after I watched him pull out of the drive and down the street, I let go a flood of blubbery emotion.

Frustration. Physical hurt. Boredom. Feeling trapped. Uselessness. Drug hangovers.

The end result was me wailing like a baby for about thirty minutes before sense and reason took hold, saying gruffly and no-nonsensically, “GUH. Get yourself together, whinebag.

“And don’t forget to take a pain pill.”

pee ess…teevee got to the point of making me want to vomit about three and a half days ago. HOWEVER! Twilight Zone marathon today, and thank you JESUS, MARY, AND ALL THE SAINTS THAT INFLUENCE SUCH DELIGHTS! woo!

pee-pee (snicker) ess…don’t forget to enter the Piggly Wiggly tee contest in honor of my friend waistdog! It closes around five pee emm, my time and not yourn, tomorrow.

2 worked it out »

  1. skillzy 5.20.2005

    While you lie crying and drug addled, Sugah and I have had a lengthy discussion via e-mail today about panties. Reckon they make Piggly Wiggly panties?

  2. melly 5.20.2005

    If only I was there to dance for you. It really is a nightmare beyond anything on the Twilight Zone.


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