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Jett Superior laid this on you on || May 10, 2005 || 11:02 pm

You can blame her.

Not big on memes or pre-scripted sorts of things, but this one had character, so bang on!

1) My uncle once:
rode over two state lines with me in order to teach me how to drive a stick shift.

2) Never in my life:
have I bungee jumped. No way, nuh-UH, bullshit on that noise.

3) When I was five:
I used to sing ‘Dixie’ every single morning at my snotty little elitist-bastard preparatory kindergarten. I loved that place, for real.

4) High School was:
an interesting social experiment. And the place where I was the best heroine and villian I could possibly be.

5) I will never forget:
the first time a man struck me in anger.

6) I once met:
(not a name-dropper)

7) There’s this girl I know who:
I woulda married had she been a man. Plus, there is this other girl who would rather give you her whole bag of chips rather than allow you to pluck one from the bag.

8 ) Once, at a bar:
I ended up dancing all night with this Jarhead grunt instead of a cute flyboy that was trying like hell to charm my ankle socks off, because the Marine bribed this other little guy to run interference (a.k.a., the ‘cockblock’) on the two of us and distract ole boy long enough for the mighty leatherneck to birddog the situation. This, for those of you unfamiliar to USMC ways, is an illustration of the phrase “ADAPT AND OVERCOME, OORAH!”

9) By noon I’m usually:
dealing with my third or fourth family of the day. The type of family depends on the day of the week. All my paper-crazies are stacked up like cordwood on Mondays, so never call me on a Monday unless you want to be ‘dealt with’.

10) Last night:
some interesting things happened. There is a post about that coming later on down the line.

11) If I only had:
more money than sense, honeychile.

12) Next time I go to church:
I will feel welcome and loved. Our church is great, and I fully mean that in the Tony the Tiger sense of the word.

13) Terry Schiavo:
fucking ay. And bee, and cee, all the way through eff. That whole mess reminded me to reiterate to my family, even my children this time, to unplug me after twenty-one days, donate any relevant tissues and/or organs, cremate me and throw one fuck of a party where everyone laughs and talks about all the fun we had hootin’ and hollerin’.

14) What worries me most:
is the thought of one of my children disappearing or being hurt.

15) When I turn my head left, I see:
a broad expanse of living room wall.

16) When I turn my head right, I see:
a big-ass living room! Tiiiiiiight.

17) You know I’m lying when:
I say I can tolerate ill-bred assholes.

18) What I miss most about the eighties:
ballet flats, baby. I lurrrrrved me some fucking ballet flats.

19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be:
Cassandra: Prophetess, Princess, Cursed.

20) By this time next year:
I would like eight hours of sleep per night. And an option for afternoon naps at my leisure.

21) A better name for me would be:
Misguided Potential.

22) I have a hard time understanding:
why people sometimes refuse to just shape the fuck up morally/emotionally/spiritually.

23) If I ever go back to school I’ll:
be in a big danged hurry to finish up.

24) You know I like you if:
I encourage you to actively do that breathing thing.

25) If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be:
cliche and played, but my momma. Mad props to the mother unit.

26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro:
Mozart, Slim Pickens and I would fully throw down. There will be no Darwin nor any Geraldine Ferraro at my party. I got no love for backsliders or feminists.

27) Take my advice, never:
point to your chin when your mother politely but firmly threatens to ’slap the piss out of you, Elizabeth.’ Don’t even try to cowboy up on this one. Just tuck that tail and humbly say, “Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry for my smarty-pants behavior, mother.”

28) My ideal breakfast is:
turkey and fresh spinach on wheat, light mayo, BIG-ASS MOUNTAIN DEW to get the gears crankin’.

29) A song I love, but do not have is:
‘Cry, Little Sister’

30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest:
you abandon all mulitsyllabic, ethnic-sounding names. Become a Buchanan or McClendon or Lancaster or Alexander.

31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars:
I hate impressionistic, stream-of-consciousness bullshit masquerading as a ‘question’. Fuck that. If I wanted psychotherapy, I’d go on my own, and then only because I wanted a prescription for Klonopin. Biznatch.

32) Why won’t people:
SEND ME ALL THE SPARE CHANGE IN THEIR CARS??

33) If you spend the night at my house:
you will have the poofiest blankies and most crisp linens ever. However, I would likely forget to score you a pillow, because I travel with mine and selfishly assume that everyone else does, as well.

34) I’d stop my wedding for:
…good, if the groom had been shtupping a bridesmaid in the recent (read: engaged) past.

35) The world could do without:
Fred Durst. Would somebody shut that asshole up, already? And tell him to stop touching women. I fear the repercussions of him being able to procreate.

36) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:
if you crackheads think I’d ever in a million years lick the belly of a cockaderoacha, you need to step back and bring the chalkboard into focus before the exam bell rings.

37) My favorite blonde is:
soft ash with honey-gold overtones.

38) Paper clips are more useful than:
electroshock.

39) If I do anything well, it’s:
making pretty babies.

40) And by the way:
Lisbon is Portugal’s capital city, and someday I hope to get good and sloppy drunk there. In whose company remains to be seen.

3 worked it out »

  1. skillzy 5.11.2005

    There is nothing I enjoy more than watching sloppy drunk lisbons. Wait, isn’t it lebanese?

    Regarding #30, those ARE mulitsyllabic, ethnic-sounding names. It’s just that the ethnic group is Jockos from Brittania. Just because you belong to a group, that don’t make it not ethnic.

    Now to #37 (my lucky number!) – you’re my second favorite blonde, after my hella hawt wife. At least until Sugah gets a bleach job.

     
  2. sugarmama 5.11.2005

    Sugarmama will never be blonde. I am comfortable wearing the warm brown tones that I was born with.

    I like #32. I will send you 67 cents.

     
  3. brynne 5.11.2005

    Well you’re in luck! I do believe those little ballet flats are making/have made a comback….

     

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