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Jett Superior laid this on you on || July 7, 2006 || 12:07 am

I’m long overdue on a post….

…and holy hell it’s late here, so I’ll not finish any of the half-dozen stories that I’m about ten-thousand words into. Enchanting tales of Marianna, Arkansas and the homeless man enthusiastically singing to his hot dog in a Memphis TigerMart at two ay emm will just have to wait until another time.

Let’s do that patented copout linkdump thing that some of you stellar young Muffinasses are so hotdamned fond of, shall we?

Swizzle-Stick. Bookmark it. Though it is half-hiated at present, soon it will be dusted off with a shiny new layout and a passel (does a minimum of three make a passel? I forget the rules for such things.) of writers, one of whom will be your very favorite Jettgrrrl. Yes, you heard it here first: Chip Midnight, music-writer and -lover extraordinaire, had the brilliant insight to invite me aboard to wax rhapsodical about one of my most very favorite subjects. The benefits are multifold; I get loads of free new music and he gets a wordybastard writer and you, You, YOU get to hear even MORE musical opinions from me than you do here at [Abuantg.]. We are all lucky children of the process.

I would like to take this opportunity to offer up a very large, multihued fuck you to iTunes (no link, for I am shunning those shitherders) for denying my music-passionate self admittance to their affiliate program. Sure, I should’ve asked when my readership was in the hundreds and not in the tens, but my numbers are trivial; if they can increase their consumer base by even one, would it not be worth it? Plus, iTunes, my layout is better than yours any day….wouldn’t you like to be cool by association?

Anyway, back on point: Chip found me via my extreme fondness for the Damnwells. The boys have some more of the new album’s material up over on their myspace place. I witnessed ‘Golden Days’ live some time ago, and it will garner a top spot in Damnwells rotation. While I prefer the slower tempo version, there is a lushness to the album version, and I can appreciate it as well. The Damnwells’ newest album, ‘Air Stereo’, is due out August fifteenth (TED? ALEX? WHERE IN CRACKER HELL IS MY ADVANCE COPY?); I’ve heard many of the tracks, seen them performed, and this album is one of sure-footed growth. They were already a bunch of artists offering up musically and lyrically solid product….I’ll be head-punch amazed if ‘Air Stereo’ doesn’t bust the seams wide open for them. I will expect them to buy beers for me every time they are in Birmingham from now on if that proves to be the case.

This is, hands-down, my favorite online blackjack game. I like to wear polyester doubleknit stretch pants, a beehive hairdo and fuschia lipstick while I’m playing. It ‘realities up’ the experience. I would smack some Juicy Fruit loudly and imbibe in cheap gutrot gin, but even I have standards. I do (!), even if most of you can’t follow the the layout of them.

Hey! Blogathon time is here. Even though I’ve been passionately devoted to it in the past, I think the shoulder thing is going to keep me out this year. Sad, but over it, I guess. You should go pick some people to sponsor and follow along in the fun. I’ll be doing at least that much.

How To Give A Good Christian Blowjob. Not much that I could add in the way of clever quips. Don’t drink anything while you are reading this.

Dear Citizens of the World,

Please stop losing your fucking mind.


No, really
.

Love,

Jett “I’ve Had Near About ENOUGH” Superior

Can I just say that I fucking loooooove this whole Co-cola thing in the news? It proves and/or underscores two things: The makers of Co-cola employ rotten, sneaky bastards, while Pepsico is noble and good and upstanding. We Of The Pepsi Mindset will prevail, I tell you, even though some of you have been bold enough to argue that point with me over the years. At the very least, you have to admit that the leadership over at Co-cola are big doodyhead dummies; even if you do (mistakenly) find their product superior, you must acquiesce on the point of their poor judgement in hiring yellowbelly traitorous types and their overall sloppiness in keeping fambly bidness in-house. We of the Pepsihood curtsy to you politely, but we are giggling into our knickers as we do.

You should be TEH COOLZ and take the Star Trek Quiz, just like me!

Take the Star Trek Quiz

I’ve been churning out the bloggy schlock for damn near seven years now. I remember the first time I heard the word ‘blog’ on prime-time teevee. I nearly ay) choked on my jigger of takillya, which hasn’t happened since I was six (or maybe seven, I find it hard to recall things from childhood these days) and bee) damn near pissed myself and cee) felt sort of sad. Now the DoD is doing a study. Just great…let’s just fuck the party ALL THE WAY up. Shit.

Okay, I’ve been telling you people this all along. Stop doubting my wisdom and prowess, all ye lesser beings.

Everyone knows by now that Rob Smith died. Some folks are conducting themselves fucking shamefully. To the asspill that said, somewhere in the midst of all the manufactured dramalamadingdong, “In the South, we always have a little drama at funerals….” I’ll thank you to shut the fuck up and quit pontificating on what all the rest of us Southerin folk do. In my south, that sort of thing is NOT the standard, it is the aberration. All of you people who have been petty (note I did not say ‘honest’…there are some very stirring and honest posts out there right about now) should sit back and take stock of your miserable lives; go find something fulfilling to take part in, you piranha-like fucks. Enrich yourselves. You don’t have to give to the world, but stop sucking it dry. That also goes for all of y’all that are lapping up the manufactured controversy like dogs. You make me sick. You are an embarassment. This gentleman had the right idea. A touch of humor, a touch of grace. Elegant as a soft shoe in tophat and tails. Also Rob’s friend Catfish, who has trotted all over Cyberia leaving words of kindness and compliment for all range of folk, offering comfort to them, even though lots of them never laid eyes on the Acidman in person. He seems to be exemplary in his grace and gentlemanly way of handling all this, and the man knew Rob for several decades, damnit!

Back when my ‘interwebnets’ friend waistdog died, I don’t recall there being ANY of this nonsense. There was just a community of folk, crazily banded together somehow over the ether, who loved and supported one another. There were a handful of looky-loos, sure, but there were no dramatics and bullshittiness about it. We grieved. We felt strange, because we were all in uncharted waters, this grieving for a keyboard-wielding friend. Strangely enough, he died over health matters, too. They could have been corrected, but we didn’t have all the information…at least not in time. I still love and miss Rick. I can still hear his voice. I still reminisce with the circle of friends that got to revel in his wackadoo style. All we focused on as a group of people was how damned lucky we were to have this guy in our lives, no matter the brevity of our relationship, no matter the medium in which it was formed.

Great. Now I’m all het up. Let’s do something distracting. The tried-and-true ‘wheeee!’ squirrel. Forty reasons to love John Cusack.

One last thing: If I have the good fortune to die before my tits sag to my knees, all you Muffinassedly people had better say just one thing. That one thing is, “Thank God she’s gone. That bitch hogged up too much of the takillya for far too long.”

Alternately, you could reiterate that I had really good hair. And that I loved the Marine Corps (at least, my fair share of them, ar-ar!). And that I sure did know how to pack for a road trip. You know, the important shit.

6 worked it out »

  1. clayton 7.7.2006

    the important shit.

     
  2. del 7.8.2006

    can we also raise a cup to the fact that your tits didn’t sag to your knees?

     
  3. Jettomatika 7.8.2006

    For you, ole del, anything.

     
  4. k 7.9.2006

    Well, my gracious. Thank you.

    And thank you for this: your role in not just reaching your hand out to help pull your friend out of a quicksand of grief and pain, but in settling down a blogdrama that was hurting so many.

    Good on you. Way good.

     
  5. john 7.9.2006

    I recently heard a Florida TV “reporter” (since the show, Deco Drive, is another ET clone) pronouce it “wee blog”, which probably do exist somewhere as people will write about anything.

     
  6. chip 7.17.2006

    That Swizzle-Stick guy says you should check your mailbox this week to find your first batch of CDs to review cuz he went to the post office this morning.

     

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