I imagine

Right now I’m listening to the Toadies’ ‘Dollskin’ and biting my bottom lip. Make of that what you will. Big chubby bassline and all that.

Getting gypsy urgings again. The muse is stirring, too. I both adore and despise this time of year. I develop a hard callous on my middle finger, right hand. I sleep little, because the words chase me all over the place. I dream wildly when I do in fact sleep. I imagine. Sometimes, if I have money, I book a trip. The one I’m eyeing now (well, it’s been a handful of years, but there seems to be a growing urgency, for some infuriatingly maddening reason) is going to take a lot of scratch for poor white trash with aspirations like me.

Heal me, Oh Lord. Save me from grinding guitars, from smooth-as-silk tequila, from me. (And you know, being omni-everything, that I don’t really mean that in my heart of hearts. I’m trying to mean it, though.)

In the middle of a house

In the middle of nowhere

Bodies glide from room to room

I hate these walls

They speak to me

Hey skin like a doll

You’re no friend of the family

Catch that light, yeah

It falls in subtle patterns

It crawls in and tells them when their time is up

And when it’s over

He takes her hand, and he kisses her cheek

She’s a doll, oh yeah she’s his spitting image

Where have you gone

You’re still a part of me

Hey skin like a doll

You’re no friend of the family

Catch that light, yeah

It falls in subtle patterns

It crawls in and tells them when their time is up

And when it’s over

When it’s over

When it’s over

Now it’s over

Now it’s over

Yeah, catch that light

That falls in subtle patterns

That crawls in and tells them when their time is up

And when it’s over

Where have you gone

You’re still a part of me

“Because of his dishonesty, He made me what I’d so despised about my childhood: The whore, the Other Woman. It was unfair, but it was too late; I was all-in and not just head over heels. There was no head over heels to it.

“I was flat-out hung upside down.”

I’m thinking about that today. I don’t think I’ve ever said that aloud before. Oh my God, how uncomfortable. What in the world have you gone and done??