A Random Image
 

Jett Superior laid this on you on || September 30, 2006 || 11:37 pm

This is what drunkards do. OR, Myyyy lands!

When you look around on a Saturday afternoon to see that your three teenagers are surprisingly well-liked and are all elsewhere as a result;

When the knowledge that your seven-year-old is tucked safely into his Nana’s arms strikes you;

When you resourcefully remember that your toes are freshly pedicured and you smell delicious post-grooming;


When your husband has to fire two fuckup employees, garner an unexpected walk-on in an indie fillyum, and work late as a result;

Well then laydehs and gennelmans, it is time to round yourself up some girlfriends and go out to talk with your hands and shriek a lot. There may be some booze involved. There will definitely be revelations, what with the mix of all that estrogen and all that alcohol and all. For instance:

MERRY: Wait, you wear contacts, don’t you?

JETT: Yep.

BONZAI: You wear contacts? For real?

JETT: Ayuh.

BONZAI: I’ve known you, what, five years? I never knew about the contacts.

JETT: Surrrrpriiiiise!

BONZAI: So, are they colored?

JETT: Nup. What the fuck for??

BONZAI: You’re telling me your eyes are that color?

JETT: Yes. They were a gift from my mother, along with her fabulous skin and questionable thighs.

BONZAI: You’re lying. Those are tinted, sister.

JETT: The fuck you say.

BONZAI: Prove it!

JETT: Follow me to the throne room, and all will be revealed!

Whereupon you do indeed go to the laydeh’s and proceed to pull out your right contact to show its lack of tint. This is right before you drop said contact lens on the floor of the loo, and having had all that microbiology in pre-nursing could care just about the square root of fuck-all for picking that thing up off –of all things!– a bathroom floor. In a public establishment. A bar-type public establishment.

Even in your drunken and foolish state, you have the presence of mind to think something along the lines of, “Fuck THAT noise; I’ve only got two eyeballs!” Even you have limits, and who the fuck is going to believe that you got chlamydia in your eye from your contact lens that fell on a floor and wasn’t properly rinsed before re-insertion?

“Fuuuuh-uuuuhhhhck,” Bonzai says, and she is the master at saying fuuuuh-uuuuhhhhck because she has been born and bred in Hellabama the whole of her precious life.

Indeed. Hell yes, fuck.

Later on, when you’ve been safely delivered home and go to put on your glasses, thinking your eyeballs really needed a break from the lenses anyway, you pull said glasses out of your nightstand drawer. Thinking that hmm, well, they’ve been in here a while, I’ll give them a wash, you proceed to do so and end up making them a greasy mess. You see, the soap on the wash basin in the main bath is a moisturizing soap.

“Oh, so I’m blind, drunk aaaaaand stupid. How stupendous!”

1 worked it out »

  1. skillzy 10.2.2006

    Hey, at least I’m not blind. Go me!

     

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