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Jett Superior laid this on you on || January 9, 2007 || 10:47 pm

When a man has had enough, he’s simply had enough.

Sam, bless him, has shot up to six feet in a matter of months. He was never one to back down from convictions, but his newfound size has emboldened him further.

He doesn’t hold much truck with the disrespecting of women, my Sam. I like that about him — a lot.

Tonight, we had to run to the accursed Wal-Mart to pick up a few things. I was off to one side, peering at tee-shirts pensively. Because, you know, if anything is deserving of a pensive look, it’s those fucking tee-shirts. Piper was about thirty yards away from me in the wide aisle that sits just behind the checkout stands. Sam and Mathias were roughly fifteen feet from her, fiddling. Because that’s what the mixed-chromo folk do: They fiddle.

I missed most of the exchange, but I caught the tail-end of Piper interacting with a cute but scuzzy-greasy sort of d00d maybe two years older than her. He was toting a fistful of carnations wrapped in plastic and an attitude that said ‘I find myself possessed of a rogue-like, rakish charm that all young women must certainly find irresistable.’ Piper looked somewhat like a trapped animal, but a powerless one, because she dropped an answer to every question he peppered her with. Hell, he stopped just shy of asking her social security number, but I’m guessing she would have proffered it up as well. It was like she was stunned, I swear, and it was crazy to watch in both an annoying and frightening way.

Sam was watching as well, and a scowl began knitting itself a mask across his handsome face. Just as he started to move toward his sister and this interloper, the guy headed for the checkouts, blissfully unaware.

“PIPER,” I called loudly, “YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO INTERACT WITH SCUMBAGS,” whereupon she got the ohGodcanIjustdie look that she and Scout must both practice at great lengths in front of their pretty little cheval mirrors.

“Maaaaah-aaaaaaaaahm!” she cried, but Sam was ready with the backup.

“She’s right. That guy was creepy. What in the crap were you doing telling him everything about yourself?” Poor girl, she had been swept at the knees. Apparently Young Scuzzy had some sort of magnetism, some teenage girl mojo that Sam and I saw through cleanly.

We went to eat some pizza and had a fine, fine time. Just as we were getting our check, a tableful of twentysomethings rolled in. They got seated about ten feet away as we gathered our coats and went to pay the check. Piper was first, then Mathias, then me; Sam was bringing up the rear.

About the time I got two feet from their table, one of the guys appraised me then said, “Dammmmn, that makes me want to play some Scrabble.”

Now, I’m a grown-type girl, and I’ve been around long enough to know how to handle myself. I’m not unaccustomed to being hit on and am pretty adept at wielding the various manner of rebuffs required for a myriad of situations. This one, though, threw me for a loop. I mean, Scrabble?? What the hell does that mean? What? What?? I couldn’t wrap my head around it, much less formulate an appropriate response. How does one respond to gibberish, anyway?

Sam, though, that Sam was right on the ball. Without missing a beat, he stopped dead in his tracks, turned toward their table, placed both palms on it and said to Scrabblefan, “Well, let me just give you your first two letters. EFF. YOU.

“That’s my mom, guy. Not cool.

I don’t know if they were rendered speechless from shock or from shame, but Sam hung there over that table for exactly two beats before pushing off and taking me by the elbow in order to lead me away from the pack of mom-lusting ruffians.

Hot damn, what a fabulous kid.

4 worked it out »

  1. MotherFury 1.10.2007

    Miz Jett?!

    Are you trying to tell us you have achieved MILF status???

  2. Suzanne 1.10.2007

    Whew – I was glad to learn you too did not understand the Scrabble statement…. WTF???? This will likely mull around in my mind for a while and one night, I’ll jolt out of bed with a sudden understanding of what that chil’ meant… I’ll let you know if that ever happens! :-)

  3. Shamrock 1.10.2007

    I think Mother knows best . . . it’s an allusion to being attracted to an older generation.

  4. Jettomatika 1.10.2007

    I thought it just meant he could tell I was a word nerd by looking at me.


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