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Jett Superior laid this on you on || March 20, 2007 || 3:56 pm

“Don’t be silly, Mister Man.”

Maxim doesn’t often get all yelly with me. One thing that sticks in his craw, though, is my propensity for picking up the random hitchiker here and there. That one trick makes him go a big shouty every time.

Yesterday I saw a woman about my age walking along the highway. She was missing her left arm at the shoulder. Highway 431 is notoriously busy and populated with mind-numbingly poor drivers. Seeing a pedestrian at the shoulder –not to mention a one-armed, female one– made me nervous as all-fuck, so I pulled over and ended up giving her a ride a mile or two down the road. Dropped her off, got thanked, that was that.

Word of this, of course, got back to Maxim and he loudly upbraided me in the confines of our bedroom last night.

MAXIM: I DON’T! LIKEIT! WHENYOUPICKUPSTRAAAAANGERSSSS!

JETT: Come onnnn, Maxim. That was as about as safe a hitchiker scenario as there ever was.

MAXIM: Never, never ASSUME IT IS SAFE!

JETT: Well, I’m possessed of totally good instincts. Really.

MAXIM: INSTINCTS BE DAMNED, WOMAN! You are going to get YOUR FOOL SELF KILLED!!!

JETT: Maxim! The woman had one arm and weighed a hunnert and twenty pounds. If I let her get the best of me, I totally deserve a killing.

I stood there and blinked at him a couple of times. He totally went off, then.

5 worked it out »

  1. cal 3.20.2007

    is this where i get the satisfaction of saying how glad i am i’m a lebbian cuz men are so silly?

     
  2. chris robinson 3.21.2007

    I’m in agreement with Maxim on this. It makes me sad (and I’ll bet he’s not too happy about it either) to accept that this can be a pretty sick world. I used to hitchhike all the time. After a bad scare with an inebriated driver I stopped. I pick up hitchhikers only when I’m not alone in the car. I miss the days when I was far less pessimistic. No doubt your instincts are good; but all it takes is one misjudgment.

     
  3. Shamrock 3.21.2007

    Another one on Maxim’s side here, maybe because I’m a bit hardened from growing up in Jersey. She had one good arm, and it could have aimed a gun at your instincts.

     
  4. Jettomatika 3.23.2007

    As always, EACH AND EVERY DISSENTER WILL BE SHOT!

    …then kissed lovingly and apologized to profusely.

    Look, you people, I’m fully aware of all my stupid bits. The ones I cling stubbornly to, well, I cling to for my own reasons that make absolute sense to me.

    Furthermore, that last line from Shamrock deserves a literary medal. Hot damn was it sexy like crazy.

     
  5. Jettomatika 3.23.2007

    Also, I reckon when it’s my time to go, it’s my time to go. I’m not being glib when I say that. I believe in that certain pre-scriptedness to it all, and I’m pretty unflinchingly sure that Mauled By A Hitcher isn’t my exit scene.

     

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