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Jett Superior laid this on you on || April 14, 2007 || 9:30 am

If a Muffinass wants a recipe, byGod, they’re gonna have a recipe.

For you, Shamrock, I busted out the trusty-dandy family cookabook. What follows is the VERY EASIEST homestyle cobbler recipe you will ever endeavor to assemble.


Preheat your oven to three-fifty.

Grab one-a them 13×9x2 dishes (or thereabouts). Melt a stick of margarine or butter into it.

Now you’ll want to get two cups of water. I like mine warm, to aid in the chemical process that ensues, but whatever. Cold works, too. Put two cups of sugar in there. By the force of your will, make it dissolve as best as possible.

Now gather up these things:

1.5 cups of flour

.5 cups of shortening

.5 cups of milk

2 cups fruit, any variety (if frozen, thawed and ready to rock and roll)

Now you’re gonna want to cut that shortening into your flour. Add your milk. This concotion is a simple pastry dough. Pat said dough out onto a flat, stable (and emotionally giving?), floured surface.

(ed. note: your heroine jett uses a basic pastry sheet, because she has Respect For The Desserts. you can live more dangerously than all that, if you’d like)


Cover your dough with the fruit. Roll like a jelly roll (the dough, not you. well, you too, but later, after you’re done cooking). Cut the roll into slices, which you need to place in that buttered dish. Pour your sugar mixture over the rolls.

Bake one hour, or till decently browned, or even till it starts looking all cobblery. I trust your judgement, for the most part. Please don’t let that trust be misplaced.

It is recommended here in the South that all cobbler be served warm and with a generous scoop of vanilla bean ice cream. However, –being whip-smart despite the fact that we speak slower than the rest of the country– we know there are emergency situations (like work, or going off to war) that preclude both hot cobbler and ice cream. Cold cobbler is like sex, to rip off and convolute an old saying about pizza. When it’s hot, it’s amaaaaaazing, but when it’s not hot it’s still pretty fucking delicious.

2 worked it out »

  1. Suzanne 4.14.2007

    When you ask someone of the non-Southern persuasion what their fave dessert is – I always hear either chocolate something or cheesecake.

    If you ever ask me the same question – being the GRITS type (GRITS = girl raised in the south for those of you who may be wondering) – my reply would be: I’d slap my own dear sweet momma for a big bowl of hot blackberry cobbler and vanilla bean ice cream!

  2. Shamrock 4.14.2007

    I love cobbler, collard greens, and boiled (burreld!) peanuts. It was just some cosmic fuckup that caused me to be born in Jersey. Thanks for the recipe!


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