A Random Image
 

Jett Superior laid this on you on || June 6, 2007 || 12:29 pm

grosser than gross

What’s grosser than gross? I’ll tell you. It’s this: When you are on the floor of the gym doing stretches and abwork and a drop of spittle or sweat from the old man on the recumbent bike directly behind and to the right of your reclined head lands on your upper lip, that’s grosser than gross. Lending to the utter grossness of it is the fact that this is a particularly leery old man who always stares at your boobs and sometimes forgetfully and haphazardly licks his lips.

I made little hurking noises, I’m sure of it. I played it cool enough, though, because my first instincts were to leap to my feet and hop about in a very girly fashion, squealing and shuddering. Note to self: Do floorwork over in the corner by the outside gardens from now on. Watch birds and butterflies and leaves instead of Fox News. Protect your person from pervy old-person bodily fluids.

I am trying to teach myself to like raisins (Nature’s Candy!), which I have always and forever despised, amen. I’ve worked my way into not gagging every time I smell one, and can even chew a bit (say, twice) and swallow them one at a time, days apart. The ‘liking’ of them appears to be far afield, however. Bleccccch.

I am Royalty in the Realm Of The Tragicomic. Which, by the way, is one of the most recent entries on my “List Of Insanely Awesome Album Titles To Fiercely Good Albums I May Or May Not See Fit To Record In The Future.”

Wasted talent and waylaid ambitions, they are also grosser than gross.

4 worked it out »

  1. Shamrock 6.6.2007

    Why in the world are you trying to like raisins? They make my teeth want to scream. Maybe this is like me trying to come to terms with orange?

     
  2. skillzy 6.6.2007

    I agree with Shamrock, if I was going to force myself into a new habit, I would not be trying to make myself like raisins (or in my case, coconut). Spend that energy on something useful, like learning to see old people as hawt. You’ll be one of us someday. So will yer hubby!

     
  3. J Dazzle 6.8.2007

    I’m with everyone…why are you training yourself to eat raisins? They’re nasty. Craisins are better.

     
  4. Jettomatika 6.12.2007

    I’m sick of picking them out of the trail mix, is all. Trying not to be such a fucking prima donna about certain things.

    But now I see that I am foolish in my endeavors! Yaaaay! I can stop trying to dig the nasty that are shrivelled grapes!

     

RSS feed for comments on this post.

(you know you want to)