how to tell it was an extra-good workout

one) the Largish Black (I refuse to say ‘African-American’, because that is just dumb; all my Fine Black Friends will tell you the same thing) Fellow that you train with on occasion says, “Man, gurrrrrl, I ain’t nevah seen you sweat like that.”

two) sustained, to-the-core nausea (like, your insides fervently trying to convince you they’d work much better if they were on your outsides, exposed to the sunlight for the eensiest little bit of time) ensues immediately upon –and sometimes a bit prior to– completion

three) you lust the post-gym protein shake more than you ever have any fancypants multicourse meal you’ve ever had the pleasure of partaking in

four) after the gym, but just prior to the above-mentioned Dlishus Breffus^tm, during the ‘getting-presentable stage’ liquid eyeliner must be abandoned else your lids look like the left coast of Argentina has been diagrammed on them

five) your heart and head feel more settled than they have in weeks upon weeks, God Bless Righteous Exertion And Amen