A Random Image

Jett Superior laid this on you on || December 12, 2007 || 5:28 pm

“Jett Superior, you freak of goddamned nature.” *

I must be the only woman on the face of the planet to have ever gashed her knee open (right, medial) on a tube of lipgloss. And by ‘tube of lipgloss’ I mean a soft, squishy plastic (of the tender, pliable sort) tube with a rounded top. If I’m not the only woman on the face of the planet to have ever done that very thing, then I guarantee (like with money bets and everything!) that I’m the only one that did it in the middle of a vigorous gym session.

Until a few years ago, I never thought of myself as funny. One day all these Cyberians showed up and started telling me I was hilarious. E-mailing me, commenting me, “You are the funniest thing, like, evAR.” I was a tad flummoxed, you understand, because in my family wit is survival, and I’ve nowhere near the killer instinct with humor that most of my aunts and uncles and cousins are possessed of. Hell, I just grab up the reins and hang on for all I’m worth just to see where a volley will take me. Since I’ve been told over and over and over at this point that I’m a Certified Funny Girltm, I’ve taken the title and tried to sprint with it. I’m about as hammy with things as I can possibly be without being jailed.

So now I take into consideration things that people tell me about myself; I try to examine whether or not these might be actual characteristics that I’ve been assigned in some gigantic Trait Lottery hosted by the cosmos. A few weeks ago, when a woman in the office told me, “I swear, Elizabeth, you could tear up a steel post,” I puzzled on it for a few minutes.

After I thought about it, I turned to Tess and said, “Funny, I’ve never thought of myself as clumsy. Matter of fact, several people have remarked that I’m pretty graceful.”

“It’s not that you’re clumsy,” Tessa Rae said back to me, “it’s just that you go at everything SO HARD. You’re not gonna go over or around anything, you’re gonna go right. dang. through it.

“Stuff tends to get tore up sometimes when you’re around.” And this made sense.

So now you know why –contrary to any prevailing odds– there was a jaggedy tear formed in the tissue of my right knee this morning….via a verrrrry innocuous object.

* Contrary to popular belief, great salutations in your inbox are NOT a dime a dozen

1 worked it out »

  1. me 12.20.2007

    uh huh


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