Actual excerpt from an exceptionally lengthy bout of praying out loud while lying in bed last night.

Maxim is on a business trip. I don’t envy him, because –and maybe I’ve strenuously explained this here before?– I fucking haaaate California. Yes, even the ‘good’ parts. I love my man, I love the way he wraps himself around me during the night, I love how gorgeous he looks when he sleeps, I love that I can pounce on him at three ay em and he will readily respond.

All that said, I think it’s pretty great when he is gone because I get the whole damn bed to myself. The whole thing! To myself! And I sleep crazy-well in light of that fact.

I will also say my prayers aloud, conversationally, when Maxim is away. When my lips are pressed into service praying, I get more focused and intent on the whole deal. It is often a struggle for me to retain focus when speaking to God in my head because, really, there is a metric ton of shit going on up there, and it’s all jockeying for front and center. Involvement is just so much more effortless when I am putting sound to the syllables. Sometimes so much so that I just go with the flow and don’t even have to consciously guide or even regard what I’m saying to the Almighty.

Something snagged my consciousness last night, though, and I ended up falling asleep laughing because I really am just a little kid and kind of a dipshit:

“…Father, if this is Your will, then please send me confirmation.

“And a kickboxing instructor. A kickboxing instructor would be so, so rad, God.”