A Random Image

I’m sorry I said ‘babyfuckers’ in the last post. What I meant to say was ‘those nasty, NASTY babyfuckers’.

There is some mighty big shit going down in the world nowadays. Most of it I feel crazily inept commenting on. Hell, I only just yesterday came to a concrete state of belief on a several-years-old matter.

“I, Jett Superior, think that the wonderfully enigmatic and unquestionably talented Pee-Wee Herman got the short end of the stick back in…what was it? Nineteen ninety-one? Ninety-(only I’m Southerin, I pronounce it ‘NAHN-dee’)two? And I totally did not intend for that ’short end of the stick’ part to be a pun, but it works and so I will do the obvious ‘SHORT END of the STICK, geddit?’ routine that everyone is so fond of.

I mean seeeeeriously, he was in a place specifically intended for the pulling out of one’s member and slacking the jaw in pursuit of somewhat-unbridled hedonistic pleasure. I never realized that Theatres de Pr0n required great decorum. They are dark, yeah? And they have a dirty movie playing? Sometimes they sell anal plugs instead of Jujubes out of the glassed-in counter? And the marquee out front mostly hollers “HEY, PRETTY FREAKY SHIT GOING ON INSIDE (if you pay our low, low(ish) price of entry, then you can choose to come in and check stuff out, since you are a grown-up and all and likely know the boundary of your moral and/or ethical values)!!!”

Pee-Wee Herman got railroaded by people who want to deny me child-friendly programming with a subtle, amazing brand of tongue-in-cheek adult humor that would totally escape aforementioned children. Oh, Pee-Wee, you bleeding genius of a man! Sympathies on this travesty!

That, as decided yesterday, was my well-thought-upon stance where the matter was concerned. Then I wanted to be certain regarding the original arrest date (in Florida, where my former in-laws reside, and I’m not especially sure they didn’t have something to do with the Conspiracy Against Pee-Wee), so I began to peek around Cyberia for the unvarnished facts.

That state of belief lo these seventeen years coming was dashed on the hard, cold rocks of teh INterswebNets0rs, however. Damn you, readily-available gluts of information! Curses, oh eagerly-waiting engines of search! Pee-Wee was arrested on charges of possessing norty pictures of boys some ten years later, in two-thousand and one. Dismissed by the defendant’s counsel as part of a vast collection of vintage memorabilia, the lawyer framed them up as totally ‘innocent’ tintypes of boys in repose.

That’s where my screaming middle hops about all flaily and says, “Nineteen-ten or two-thousand ten, the sexual exploitation of a minor is a criminal act of the proportions that stomp all over my righteously indignant guts!”

So now I have to amend my little screed that it took me nearly two decades to debate out internally. Henceforth it will have to read like this:

“I, Jett Superior, think that the wonderfully enigmatic and unquestionably talented Pee-Wee Herman got the short end of the stick back in…what was it? Nineteen ninety-one? Ninety-(only I’m Southerin, I pronounce it ‘NAHN-dee’)two? And I totally did not intend for that ’short end of the stick’ part to be a pun, but it works and so I will do the obvious ‘SHORT END of the STICK, geddit?’ routine of which everyone is so fond.

I mean seeeeeriously, he was in a place specifically intended for the pulling out of one’s member and slacking the jaw in pursuit of somewhat-unbridled hedonistic pleasure. I never realized that Theatres de Pr0n required great decorum. They are dark, yeah? And they have a dirty movie playing? Sometimes they sell anal plugs instead of Jujubes out of the glassed-in counter? And the marquee out front mostly hollers “HEY, PRETTY FREAKY SHIT GOING ON INSIDE (if you pay our low, low(ish) price of entry, then you can choose to come in and check stuff out, since you are a grown-up and all and likely know the boundary of your moral and/or ethical values)!!!”

Pee-Wee Herman got railroaded by people who want to deny me child-friendly programming with a subtle, amazing brand of tongue-in-cheek adult humor that would totally escape aforementioned children. Oh, Pee-Wee, you bleeding genius of a man! Sympathies on this travesty! less than he deserved. And I’m pissed that when the inevitable low-key celebrity encounter that will pertain to him occurs, I won’t in good conscience be able to shake his hand. Pity, that.

So from here on out I’ll maybe just take twenty-seven years to allow a position on profound matters to hack its way out of the bag and settle into actual words. Just to be on the safe, well-informed side.

Pee ess, in the throes of heavy research, I found this site, which is too fabulously exuberant to not share

2 worked it out »

  1. Yeah, bit sad that one. “I know you are, but what am I?” was a saying that changed my world when I was a kid. I don’t expect he says it to many people these days, lest he gets it thrown back at him with double-force

     
  2. Ah, Pee Wee. Sad, but true. I felt really bad for him for years, but looks like he may be pervy Uncle Paul after all.

    Someone Twittered (tweeted? I never know which it is), “Mekka-lekka hi mekka hiney ho!” the other day and I just about died laughing.

    I loved the Playhouse.

     

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