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Jett Superior laid this on you on || September 8, 2008 || 8:39 pm

On discussing what Maxim dubbed The Current Campaign of Crazy

Here I am, doing what you never thought I’d do here at [Abuantg.]: I’m going to discuss politics. Okay, I’m not really gonna discuss them, per se, but I am going to scribble out a couple-three thoughts because right now my country is in a divine state that I can only describe as Nutbasketry.

A little over a week ago, I opened up this here box and typed in the words, “I love how everybody’s all, ‘Palin is gonna take it on the chin.’ before the woman has really even opened her mouth. She miiiight just do so; take it on the chin, that is. But from where I sit, the set of her jaw looks pretty square.”

That is one symptom of everything I view as being wrong with America right now: Everyone is all lathered up, frothing at the mouth, so senselessly fucking froggy that their warts are overtaking their brains.

I would like to request that everyone in the blessed and holy United States of byGod America have a seat, take a breath, shake out their hands and then fold them in their laps. If you like chamomile tea (I don’t), then by all means, have a cuppa. If you have a bong, wrap your sweet little mitts about it and have one strong pull thereof (but only one, my dears, we must remain lucid and functional). If you don’t jive with either herb, then hum something soothing for a minute. Pretend you’re taking a bubble bath, getting a blowjob, something that puts you a little closer to what we’ll refer to as Your Zen Place.

Point is, EVERYONE TURN OFF YOUR MOUTHS AND TURN ON YOUR BRAINS and let’s have a wee moment in silent contemplation. All of your frenzied hopping up and down is STRESSING me, and worst of all, IT IS HARSHING MY BUZZ.

I am about to reveal one of the most personal factoids I’ve ever laid out here about myself; long-time readers will appreciate the gravity of this moment, because they know my stance on talking either politics or religion in a crowd: As a rule, I do not do it. Hell, I don’t even really discuss either with my very most near-and-dears, because even the most polite and respectful of people tend to turn into slobbering, unreasonable lunatics when presented with those particular topics. Then I’m left standing there, my Important Ideas that I was ready to exchange gracefully falling to the wayside, my face agog (Oh poker face, why couldn’t you have been part of my birthright?), going all, “HELLO SATAN, WHEN DID YOU SWEEP IN TO POSSESS MY OTHERWISE GRACIOUS AND ARTICULATE FRIEND HERE?”

Most personal factoid is this: I am registered as a Democrat. Only I typically say ‘Democrack’, because it makes the silly giggler inside of my head terrifically happy. I’m a rogue Democrack, though, in that I’m pretty conservative in quite a few areas. I think the whole fucking party needs a good overhaul, but that’s something that we can avoid discussing at a later time. I don’t necessarily vote along party lines as a rule, I use a divining rod and a list of impossible standards and carefully-cast runes dipped in fish guts the best sense of judgment I can muster in choosing with whom I will ally my forces as Strong American Voter. I’m not a fickle sidekick, but I’m not a stupid one, either.

Oh my God, I love my country. Oh my God, I am terrified for Her future. I stated as much to Maxim –whose views sometimes do not line up with mine at all– the other night while the RNC was in full swing. I shot off a fast litany of sentences at his calm face, a rare and unexpected happening in our home, and he settled himself further into the loveseat, pondering. After a moment he asked me a question.

“Look, what has you all torqued?”

Whereupon I began that I feel we are living in the middle of a misinformed, confused mess of people and some three minutes later ended with “…and if folks here don’t believe that it’s possible for the right lunatics to link up arms and figure out a way to make Nebraska –Nebraska, of all places, the very epitome of hard-working guileless innocence, for Chrissakes!– a smoking crater, they. Are. Foooooliiiiish.”

Then Maxim began to tick off a list of all the ways that The Powers That Be have in place to preserve the populace of Nebraska and their sweet-faced innocence, totally digressing and missing my overall point entirely. This was likely my own fault. This is what happens when I forget to breathe while talking: I overshoot my own damn point and make it hard for the listener to decipher.

“You’re not getting what I’m really saying here,” I told him.

“Okay. Would you feel better if our country had more weaponry?” He asked that. (!) and also (?). But mostly (!). Settle, I told myself, Enunciate. For ham and hell, be coherent.

“No. I would feel better if we had more sense. We make The World really fucking nerrrrvous. Collectively, The World has a pretty stout trigger finger.”

….and, I think, pretty much views us as the once-capable sheepdog who has gone slightly bugshit from rabies or lack of sleep or fillintheblank. Haha, I just characterized our fair and noble country, the one that I love with the kind of passion that makes your stomach all wobbly and breaks your heart, as a crazed cowdog. If my momma is ever gonna delurk and comment on a post, it will be this particular one.

(But she’s really mad at George Junior, and I’ve never heard her speak ill of a president in my entire bleeding life, much less to call one a deluded sonofabitch.)

Somewhere in Cyberia this week I read a comment that said, “Living in the UK… the anxiety coming this way from the US is … palpable. Europe is laughing at the Republicans’ choice but it’s more like a nervous laugh. Whatever happens in the US has long-term affect on Europe.”

Because, of course, they’ve allied themselves with the heat-exhausted cowdog.

A friend of mine from literally half a world away said something very insightful to me late last year, connecting some dots that I’d not really consciously considered. We were talking about some random thing in my life, and he said, “I can’t even imagine what it’s like, living in a country so stress-filled as yours, to have all these issues just hanging over heads every single day,” and went on to emphasize imminent threats as the overriding stressor curtaining the U.S. And I saw it immediately, even more clearly than before, the basic strain that everyone seems to be heaving under. The underlying whisper of uncertainty in basic day-to-day living. The staccato beat of a nation’s heart as it rides a wave of unchecked adrenaline and the strained tendons of that nation dividing, dividing, dividing, pulling on itself in a way that cannot possibly be sustained or fruitful.

I have never in my life been so uncertain of whom to cast a ballot for so close to an election; on each side I find compromise that I don’t feel comfortable making. I have never before been so fearful for the future of the place I was raised to so love and respect and admire. These things both sadden and shame me.

5 worked it out »

  1. cIII 9.9.2008

    Is there any way I can be Cryogenically Frozen until November? You know. Like Han Solo. Only I want to strike a badass “Billy D. Wiliams on the cover of Jet Magazine” pose.

    This whole Political race strikes me as one big Shaudenfreud hard-on.

  2. Carolyn...Online 9.9.2008

    At least you’re paying attention. Isn’t that the most important thing?

  3. Captain Dumbass 9.9.2008

    Good post Jett. Gotta say your politics are a lot of fun to watch from the outside. Still scary, but entertaining.

  4. Seaweed 9.9.2008

    This. THIS. THIS THIS THIS is the anti-orange for you and I. This is exactly how I feel lately and until now, I really felt alone in that place. Thank you.

  5. Johnny T 9.10.2008

    As one who usually doesn’t shy away from politics, this election season has made me want to tune in, turn on, and drop out. I don’t even want to talk to people about it because once I do I get these big old intense emotions that rattle me. The worst part about all this is that it makes me think of my friends and family members I disagree with appear as enemies. It is all so divisive — can’t stand it.


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