A Random Image

Jett Superior laid this on you on || January 18, 2009 || 3:54 am

I did this shit on purpose. Without a plan and everything.

If I win the lottery this week, I’m gonna go out and buy me one of them high-toned replicas of the bird girl statue (the big one) and then have a garden built up all around it. And also I’m going to buy one of them fancy outdoor beds. If I were really dreaming big, I could mention that having a hanging outdoor bed would be exponentially awesome, because it could double as a pirate ship on Hey Let’s Play Pretend days, natch. Also I would erect a freestanding wall –maybe five feet by five feet, one foot thick and made of brick- or stucco-encased concrete– and paint it orange (less sherbert-ish and more burnt-ish, but leaning gently toward a sort of pumpkin notion of ‘burnt orange’ rather than the ‘burnt orange’ notion of ‘burnt orange’), which I would string with fat yellow bulbs. At night the place would look somewhat like a Mexican cantina, I imagine, but I’m thinking I’ll prolly be okay with that.

Maybe I could divide the garden up into sections and give each section a theme. Like, the part with the wall could also have a wee statue of a burro and a fountain flowing with tequila! You could flee there and become a wealthy resort property owner should things not work out quite like you planned in the rest of the gardens!

Thematically, I’m thinking a ‘Ninja Garden’ would be a decent concept. And also probably a Junk Food garden. Most of the other ideas for various sections I should probably not ever, ever make a public record of. Some of the things in my head would just maybe confuse people in a quasi-scary-and-probably-detrimental-to-me-personally way. I’ll just save us all the trouble and let you ponder the magic of the Ninja and Junk Food concepts.

And marijuana would be legal in my country, whose borders end at the street’s duty-bound easement, as per the governing city law. And getting my pressure up (A.K.A. “NO HARSHING MY BUZZ, DOUCHE”) would be illegal, as per the governing law of my right fist. And I would buy books and music once per week. It would be an excursion to do so, full of pomp and circumstance and sprayed with fancy-named colognes that have that magic ylang-ylang mojo goin’ on. We would dress like Lords and their Laydehs to hit up on Barnes and Noble’s poetry section. And also, clearance items would be bought in bulk to be used in my exuberant pursuit of Giving A Gift Basket To Everyone I’ve Ever Been Acquainted With, Even My Enemies.

And I would rent the mall carousel one day per month and dedicate that day to a specific group of the populace, who would then ride free all fucking day long. I mean, think about it! Wouldn’t a carousel day in honor of Retired Telephone Operators be something worth seeing alright? How about Elementary School Janitorial Staff carousel day? I bet those fuckers would ride so many times they’d puke, knowing it wasn’t their turn to clean up. I’d even go so far as to say that janitors likely throw some fairly kick-ass parties, you know?

And also maybe there would be a cabana boy, even though I’ve no cabana (and no aims toward one, really…), just so I can say the phrase ‘cabana boy’ on a semi-regular basis. Only he’d be part time because, really, it’s just either pretentious or ostentatious or some other more grave -tious word to have a full-time cabana boy.

I sit and hammer all of this out in my head, knowing full and damn well that I did’nt (I have been typing contractions all wrong for days and days now; I’m being a bit lazy about correcting this because I sort of like it, in a strange little way) even buy a ticket this week. In fact, it has been many weeks; it always is a sporadic and not-often thing. I figure if I’m destined to win, probably a ticket will find my hand whether my own wallet paid for it or not. Things just often seem to work themselves out that way for me.

pee ess, whatever you do, do not go and look at Craftastrophe’s latest last Thursday offering. doing so will make you a saaaaad little strawberry.

UPDATE, one hour later: I’m pretty sure I will keep one of these on hand for instances where I have to leave the tequila fountain and go to other areas of the grounds. Life is hard when you have imaginary money.

5 worked it out »

  1. cIII 1.18.2009

    Hows ’bout Devilishly Handsome and Clever Unemployed Architect Carousel Day.

    I know a guy who could use a Ride on a Carousel.

    And a shot of Tequila.

  2. cIII 1.18.2009

    Also. About the Party you “missed”….

    Errbody knows the party don’t start ’till Jett gets there.

  3. ramble 1.18.2009

    Ooo, I adore carousels. As does everybody, I think. What a great idea!

  4. that girl 1.19.2009

    Hey, could you make a wished-she-was-a-SAHM-but-can’t-so-she’s-riddled-with-guilt Day?

    That would be nice.

    Oh, and also, I’ll take one of those outside beds too. Our neighbors will get a kick out of it. :)

  5. Seaweed 1.19.2009

    I just want a little of what makes you have ideas like these. They’re awesome.


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