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Jett Superior laid this on you on || April 14, 2009 || 10:25 pm


Maxim, for the most part, generally crows his affection for my dorkitude. Tonight, however, he startled me.

My mother raised me on Star Trek; I raised Sam on The Next Generation. When he was all of three he’d put on his Data visor (an old banana clip of mine I’d glued shut and painted gold) in order to get ready to snuggle down into a floor pillow with me so we could watch ‘Space Da Fimal’. Last year he was overjoyed when I presented him, on his sixteenth birthday, with the fantastically awesome Tricorder he’d wagged around for two years as a small child. It was supplanted as Toy Most Fierce by an exquisite replica of the Batman cowl that I’d lucked into picking up for practically a song.

Tonight over dinner Samuel asked me if I’d seen the Star Trek trailer yet and all I had time to say was, “OMGBBQ heckyeah looksawesome, huh?” when Maxim cleared his throat and said calmly, “I will pay for every member of this family to go see it if I don’t have to hear another word about it either before or after you’ve seen it.”

Ohhhh, guts. But then my initial reaction evaporated, because who doesn’t love a free movie when you get to see it at a joint like the Monaco, where they not only actively encourage the imbibing of spirits during your cinematic experience, but will sell them to you as well?

I mean, not that I’ll get to booze or lounge it up with children in tow; that is in bad form and I’m pretty sure it’s also illegal to put a moustache on your ten-year-old while requiring that he drop his voice a couple of octaves. The courts might give me a pass on doing this with the seventeen- and fifteen-year-olds (because, Hellabama, helloooo?), but I’m fair sure they’d kind of smack me around and maybe send me to Mr. County Jail to think long and hard about what I’d done if I pulled that stunt with Mathias.

So there is a moratorium on talking about (the really fucking sexy-appearing updated version of) Star Trek in Maxim’s presence, but I held out for two major concessions before I agreed to his specific gag order: He’s paying for dinner or lunch beforehand and he’ll give us money for actual snacks purchased in the actual lobby of the actual theater so that I don’t have to carry a gankin’ bag and smuggle in boxes of Junior Mints and bags of Twizzlers purchased from the dollar store.

“Done deal, daddy,” I grinned at him when he agreed to my counter-offer, “I’m all over that.”

4 worked it out »

  1. Captain Dumbass 4.18.2009

    The trailers for this have been sooooo amazing. The kids will be spending some quality time with the grandparents as soon as it comes out.

    Did you hear that Brian Singer is looking at doing a new series?

  2. Jettomatika 4.18.2009

    I did not, sir. I’ve gravitated more and more away from that televisionwatching business.

    Do tell?


  4. Daniel B. McClelland 5.3.2009

    (a few days later, I’m not even being sarcastic. Just want to convey how very genuinely excited I actually am)


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