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Jett Superior laid this on you on || April 22, 2009 || 12:31 am

redneckin

Everyone needs a best friend who tells stories that include sentences like, “I was on what was probably my twenty-seventh Dixie cup of hunch punch…”

True story.

Tess' badass driving specs.
:: tess’ badass driving specs ::

Also a true story: Tess is a massage therapist. She throws down in session, hence my dubbing her ’shovelthumbs’ the first time she ever worked on me. Last Friday, she broke a bone in her wrist due to her propensity (one we share, hmmm) to talk with her hands. Well, it was a glorified crack, really, but a crack that means business while meaning a marked loss of business for at least the next couple of weeks.

In the past she has made me Laugh Unto Peeing Myself by loudly exclaiming a pat phrase when near-misses occur with her fingers, hands or arms. Thus, my greatest selfish disappointment with regard to the whole wristbreakage thing is that she got a strappy polyester splint rather than a hard cast. A hard cast, after all, would have enabled me to quote her via my favorite writing implement, the time-honored and esteemed Sharpie marker:

“OW, MY MONEY,
MY MONEYYYY!”

1 worked it out »

  1. cIII 4.23.2009

    I reckon with Tess “shaking her money maker” takes on a whole new meaning.

    Get well soon, Tess.

     

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