things the internet was NOT made for:

b) irritating me via e-mail

One of the things grossly wrong with humanity today is that most individuals have this urgent sense of entitlement that their mommas did not see fit to beat out of them.

Case in point: I have been wanting to redo the seat of this amazing antique bench I got for a song a few years back. It sits in our dining room and had a cushion of woefully-worn foam covered in a garish eighties geometric patterns rendered in pink and gradients of gray. I’ve been too cheap to buy the quality of foam I wanted to use for this project, so I kept putting it off in lieu of other things and projects.

Well, I flat out lucked into two sizable chunks of firm memory foam about three weeks ago; last week I gave one to my mother-in-law, seeing that I would not need it after all, and then I set about ripping the old cushion to bits so that I could use its wooden platform as a pattern. I cut my piece of foam accordingly and found that I had a substantial piece left over. I didn’t want to throw it away, so I asked around to see if anyone I know could use it. No one could, and then I recalled that I am a member of Freecycle, so I threw it up on there.

I got somewhere in the neighborhood of fifteen responses, each of which I e-mailed back with my digits and the admonition to call me as the whole deal would be first-come, first-served. Only three people called, and by the next day on my lunch hour a laydeh had meandered to my home to pick the remnant up. I was exceedingly proud of my twice-upcycling self and pulled the ad from the board whence it had sat.

Today, I opened up the Freecycle-associated e-mail account to find this gorgeous little nugget of condemnation and ill will:

Date: Sat, 9 May 2009 14:06:26 -0700

From: rdhairedlass@somethingsomething.com

Subject: Re: OFFER:

To: amazingjettgrrrl@hotmail.com

You know, I wrote you three times trying to get information to come get it. Just a note saying that you’d already placed it or something would have been nice…

So I’m all, Fuuuuuuhhhhhhck you, laydeh, I responded both graciously and pleasantly to each and every piddling e-mail you sent, even though you didn’t even attempt to contact me via phone as instructed.

And I fired this one back to her:

From: you know, Jett (amazingjettgrrrl@hotmail.com)

Sent: Sat 5/09/09 6:01 PM

To: rdhairedlass@somethingsomething.com

Number one, I sent along my phone number so that you could contact me and expedite the process. The fact that you chose not to use it is not my worry. Neither, in fact, is the possibility that your mailbox ate that message. Technology happens.

Number two, I do not check this e-mail account daily unless I am expecting mail here, which I wasn’t after I had the foam picked up and pulled the ad.

Number three, we did not enter into any kind of transaction: The name of the group is called FREEcycle, if you’ll recall. Not entering into any kind of transaction means that I owe you nothing.

Number four, your rudeness is completely unwarranted. Please do not contact me again, for ANY reason.

In conclusion:

Dear World,

Kiss my ass. Again.

Love,

Jett “I only take shit from my momma” Superior