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Jett Superior laid this on you on || September 12, 2009 || 10:56 pm

here’s what you were looking for, yeah?

Once again it’s you and me, beneath the dim bare bulb that casts shadows across the most elegant of all our faults and I can’t find one single reason to stay and stare at the bare bricks and their sloppy mortar except that you are here. Would that there were less dirt on the floor and more of it on our sweating faces.

I want to shine an interrogator’s light in your face, hostile, and take back all the truth that is mine, truth that never in a million years should have been bared to you. The clumsiness of it all doesn’t matter, doesn’t even register anymore: I can’t find fault in awkwardness because maybe that’s the only pure innocence left. Maybe it’s the only remaining barrier, too. Your riddles are a dime a dozen. My outrages are, as well.

You can’t have my peace, because I have none. I can’t have your assurances, because you have none. The collective definition we have for impasse is dull and uninspiring. It’s a ghost that sits at the end of my bed and mocks me; nothing I’ve tried to date has chased it away. We are a scream through wired jaws, begging for blown veins and snapping, technicolor happiness.

Always my brain is working overtime without my consent.

Always there are the earthquakes snatching me back to where you say I don’t belong anyway.

Always there is the thought of your eyes begging for rescue and hinting at promise.

Always your lips are on me, probing, you stupid fucker.

6 worked it out »

  1. Chris Robinson 9.14.2009

    That “dull and uninspiring” impasse is a personal acquaintance too. It divides life between the before and after. No matter how fulfilling and happy the after, the before yawns like a chasm. There’s no getting past it.

     
  2. Jettomatika 9.14.2009

    I really can’t help it, Chris, fucked up people always seem to be my favorite.

    Except for my husband and perhaps children (I dunno, you’d have to ask them for confirmation), everyone I’m terribly close to are –at times, anyway– staggeringly unhealthy. I’ve tried estrangement in a couple of the most severe cases, and thus far it’s worked a treat.

    But not everyone in the world is healthy from an emotional standpoint (least of all me, but at least I’m working toward that) and sometimes you just love who you love and that is all.

    You know?

     
  3. Jettomatika 9.14.2009

    Wait, I started that sentence one way and it ended up another.

    What I meant to say was, “Except for my husband and perhaps children (I dunno, you’d have to ask them for confirmation), the relationships I have with everyone I’m terribly close to are –at times, anyway– staggeringly unhealthy.”

    w00t for clarity.

     
  4. Chris Robinson 9.15.2009

    If love was the province of the supremely well-adjusted, well I’d be out in the cold. I count you among the most emotionally healthy folks I know.

     
  5. The Stiletto Mom 9.16.2009

    I think everyone is pretty much emotionally effed in some way, shape or form. But perhaps that’s just the optimist in me speaking up, because I wouldn’t want to be the only one.

     
  6. bejewell 9.16.2009

    Screw normal. Normal’s boring. I like a little fucked-up in my relationships. keeps life interesting.

     

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