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Jett Superior laid this on you on || October 15, 2009 || 12:37 am

why my husband hates cyberia and my role in it

JETT: Twitter people say I am funny when I am sleep-deprived and thus, we should have another baby.

MAXIM: Twitter doesn’t live with you. Or your insomnia. Or your babies.

JETT: Twitter is a social media web application thingy. Twitter people, also called Tweeps, are users of the service.

MAXIM: Oh, sorry. Twitter people have never had your feet mounted squarely in the small of their backs and then been catapulted fourteen feet across the room while horizontal and half-asleep.

JETT: (hopping up and down a little, pointing at MAXIM) SO YOU ADMIT IT! YOU WERRRRE AWAKE THAT NIGHT, YOU FAKER!

MAXIM: (shrugging shoulders mildly) I was tired, Jett. I was a first-time dad.

JETT: (throwing hands up, exasperated-style) A FIRST-TIME DAD WHOSE TURN IT WAS TO GET THE BABY SO THAT I COULD NURSE HIM! YOU TOTALLY HAD THE EASY PART!

MAXIM: It grosses you out when I say I would have nursed him if I could have, so I won’t remind you that I certainly would’ve done so.

JETT: (suddenly still, mouth pursed in That Way) Lip service, hippie, FEELY-TOUCHY-GRODY LIP! SERVE! ISS! The mastitis would have crippled your ass, you pussy.

Then he started cheeping like a baby chick, only he was all, “tweep, tweep, tweep!” and it was just more than a little creepy so I left him alone. That husband of mine sure knows how to handle me, alright: He just reflects the crazy and irrational back at me with a patient little knowing smirk.

So, in short, “No baby, internet. You and your looney fucking ideas.”

6 worked it out »

  1. I’ve never thought to use the computer as a way to get another baby. I keep pointing to cute ones on TV and my husband is all, “They aren’t all cute, you know.” and I’m all, “Look. At. Me. I make cute babies.” Alas, no baby. Huh.

     
  2. Her Troutship 10.15.2009

    It’s always nice to read about what happens in one’s own bedroom, on someone else’s site.

    Wait, that didn’t sound right.

     
  3. Coelecanth 10.15.2009

    Like so much of life it’s all in the timing. There have been times in the past couple of months where I’ve caught myself thinking that another baby would be pretty cool. Unfortunately for my wife she’s only brought it up when I’ve been so tired that my cells have been in danger of disassociating.

     
  4. zoe right 10.18.2009

    Being around babies is ‘Danger, Will Robinson, Danger’ and then I remember I’m fixed and relax.

     
  5. Jettomatika 10.22.2009

    I too am fix-ed, but if there were ever a female that could accidentally overcome that hurdle, it might just be me.

    All you people crack me up.

     
  6. Holmes 10.26.2009

    At my eldest son’s bday party last Saturday, my MIL up and blurted out “you two should have a girl!” Uh, I think my vasectomy’s gonna kinda prevent that.

     

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