why my husband hates cyberia and my role in it
JETT: Twitter people say I am funny when I am sleep-deprived and thus, we should have another baby.
MAXIM: Twitter doesn’t live with you. Or your insomnia. Or your babies.
JETT: Twitter is a social media web application thingy. Twitter people, also called Tweeps, are users of the service.
MAXIM: Oh, sorry. Twitter people have never had your feet mounted squarely in the small of their backs and then been catapulted fourteen feet across the room while horizontal and half-asleep.
JETT: (hopping up and down a little, pointing at MAXIM) SO YOU ADMIT IT! YOU WERRRRE AWAKE THAT NIGHT, YOU FAKER!
MAXIM: (shrugging shoulders mildly) I was tired, Jett. I was a first-time dad.
JETT: (throwing hands up, exasperated-style) A FIRST-TIME DAD WHOSE TURN IT WAS TO GET THE BABY SO THAT I COULD NURSE HIM! YOU TOTALLY HAD THE EASY PART!
MAXIM: It grosses you out when I say I would have nursed him if I could have, so I won’t remind you that I certainly would’ve done so.
JETT: (suddenly still, mouth pursed in That Way) Lip service, hippie, FEELY-TOUCHY-GRODY LIP! SERVE! ISS! The mastitis would have crippled your ass, you pussy.
Then he started cheeping like a baby chick, only he was all, “tweep, tweep, tweep!” and it was just more than a little creepy so I left him alone. That husband of mine sure knows how to handle me, alright: He just reflects the crazy and irrational back at me with a patient little knowing smirk.
So, in short, “No baby, internet. You and your looney fucking ideas.”
6 worked it out »