A Random Image

Archive for December, 2009

|| December 18, 2009 || 9:43 am || Comments (6) ||

Clarification x 2

It is our lunch hour. We are hurriedly zooming through the Evil Retail Monolith, picking up candy for the kids’ Christmas stockings and conversing.

TESS: Brandy is getting me a new skin for Christmas.

JETT: ….


TESS: You know, for my phone? (she extends her arm, waggling the device that is cradled in her hand)

JETT: Oh, I thought you meant like, ‘PUT DE LOTION IN DE BAHSKET’ skin. Whew.

:: clarification as to who goes on what list ::

I’m having a really beautiful Christmas season this year, even moreso than usual. I hope you are as well, dear friends. Be blessed!

Help me, his eyes say to me, I am blind drunk and I’m drowning.

He has the look of someone about to tell the truth. It is the one where steeliness and utter sickness of self stand shoulder to shoulder, both shrugging nonchalantly on the scene that is playing out, will be played out. Both of them –that is, self-contempt and pure resolve– are powerful enough that neither has to stoop to wrestling around in pursuit of bragging rights over some piddly sack of skin; it wakes into the world only to spend its every day staggering decidedly toward death.

He has the look of someone about to tell the truth even though he knows that exact truth will tank everything he ever gave a solid damn about.

Help me, his eyes say to me, I am blind drunk and I’m drowning.

He opens his mouth. I am watching it far too carefully; nothing good can come of this (you should only watch your lover’s mouth so intently when the words are slipping past a warm smile). He opens his mouth and his guilt and sorrow and shame hit me full in the face. They are sharply inhaled and metabolized and in their breakdown they release fury in me, a fury that is pulled from the gut, the likes of which I have never before known because it is ushering in a pain I’ve also never been met with.

Something in me dies and that something near-immediately goes hard and cold and shiny; I know at that exact moment the whys of it and how it will never again be coaxed into life. That part isn’t mine to give anymore.

And it is because of this that I am able to put my own truth into words aimed straight for his sternum.

‘I saw you coming all those years ago,’ I said, ‘Something told me about you, but you know what it didn’t tell me?’

‘To get out of the fucking way.’