A Random Image
 

Jett Superior laid this on you on || December 15, 2009 || 12:36 am

Help me, his eyes say to me, I am blind drunk and I’m drowning.

He has the look of someone about to tell the truth. It is the one where steeliness and utter sickness of self stand shoulder to shoulder, both shrugging nonchalantly on the scene that is playing out, will be played out. Both of them –that is, self-contempt and pure resolve– are powerful enough that neither has to stoop to wrestling around in pursuit of bragging rights over some piddly sack of skin; it wakes into the world only to spend its every day staggering decidedly toward death.

He has the look of someone about to tell the truth even though he knows that exact truth will tank everything he ever gave a solid damn about.

Help me, his eyes say to me, I am blind drunk and I’m drowning.

He opens his mouth. I am watching it far too carefully; nothing good can come of this (you should only watch your lover’s mouth so intently when the words are slipping past a warm smile). He opens his mouth and his guilt and sorrow and shame hit me full in the face. They are sharply inhaled and metabolized and in their breakdown they release fury in me, a fury that is pulled from the gut, the likes of which I have never before known because it is ushering in a pain I’ve also never been met with.

Something in me dies and that something near-immediately goes hard and cold and shiny; I know at that exact moment the whys of it and how it will never again be coaxed into life. That part isn’t mine to give anymore.

And it is because of this that I am able to put my own truth into words aimed straight for his sternum.

‘I saw you coming all those years ago,’ I said, ‘Something told me about you, but you know what it didn’t tell me?’

‘To get out of the fucking way.’

9 worked it out »

  1. ramble 12.15.2009

    DAMN you have a way with words.

     
  2. Jettomatika 12.16.2009

    Thanks.

    You do okay yourself. >:o)

     
  3. V. 12.16.2009

    I’ve never forgotten your amazing gift. Apparently, you’re gift hasn’t forgotten you.

    You sure can write.

    V.

     
  4. Jettomatika 12.16.2009

    SWEET MOTHER OF WHATSITS!!@!

    You should e-mail me. Like, this very minute. xxoo

     
  5. brynne 12.17.2009

    *Liiiiiiiike!*

     
  6. TwoBusy 12.18.2009

    This is where typing fails me, because the way I’m reacting is with that “low whistle of admiration/arched eyebrow” reaction thing that really tells you I’ve just been wowed.

     
  7. Jettomatika 12.21.2009

    To all concerned parties who have contacted me with concern over this entry: Flashbackery. Vignetting. Recollects colliding with happenstance.

    Not current tense, though it was worded that way. Sorreh for confuzzlements!

     
  8. Jettomatika 12.21.2009

    Also, in my haste to clarify, I forgot my manners entirely! Thank you everyone for being so nice indeed to me.

     
  9. leel 1.10.2011

    thanks for pointing this one my way. I watched the episode and was indeed, blown away. This post, this peice of poetry, well, wow. I’ve re-read it more than once. I can relate. Oh too well. Someday we will swap stories around a camp fire, k? k.

     

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