A Random Image

Hi there, Precious Muffinassedly Ones.

Look. I always suffer sleep deprivation, we all know that.  Insomnia always dances around my periphery, making nyah-nyah faces and crowing about its power over me. My typical M.O. is to cheerily flip it the bird and go along my merry way. Everybody’s got their thing, you know? Insomnia is mine, no big deal. I’d rather do this than have to deal with a shit-ton of other things I can name. So I wake up earlier (or more) or stay up later or lie in bed telling God a litany of things I have no right or business to worry about, which is my version of counting sheep….I tick off  the world’s troubles and ask God to take them away. So what?

But oh man, right now I’m the midst of one of the most vicious cycles I have had in a while. It started just before the Japan mess (two days, I think?) and has been feverishly groping me like a slovenly old pervert. INSOMNIA DOES NOT GROPE SEXILY, MUFFINASSES. It has clumsy fingers and smells bad, pleh.

Tonight I was on Twitter and it was atypically bitchy and edgy and angry and I was all ‘I hate this‘ and then I started being obstreperous to make myself feel better (sometimes I behave badly just to feel a little alive, you know?).  But then I remembered that I get super-stoked about giving presents and so now here we are.

Leave me a comment about anything, tell me about your day, give me a story or a link; complain about something or be sad about something or make up a dirty limerick. That’s your entry for a drawring I will do in a couple days for a magical thing called a TACKY PACK™ that I used to give away on the regular back before I moved the old voyeurnal over here. The TACKY PACK™ is essentially a melange of great goodness and übercool radness. I don’t have to suck any corporate dick to bring it to you, and there is no ulterior motive save for the fact that I’m getting my jollies by giving a (many-partsed, multi-faceted) gift to somebody. There used to be a page devoted to telling you how great the TACKY PACK™ is in all its random iterations, but it’s long gone. You’re just gonna have to take my word for it and know that present-giving is one of my strengths. I think it’s the one meant to balance my propensity toward addictive behaviors, but I can’t say that with complete surety. What I can say with a great degree of confidence is this: Tweeting about this to your followers won’t get you an extra entry, but it would be a cool thing to do.

UPDATE, 11:10 p, CST: Post amended to add this video, which delights me.

35 worked it out »

  1. TJ 3.28.2011

    No complaints. Just pure love and adoration for you, Jett. Thanks for being a shoulder to cry/bitch/vent on. There needs to be more people on this earth like you. And that, my friend is the total truth.

  2. Mike 3.28.2011

    Yell, and I know why. (Still, sad).

  3. velocibadgergirl 3.28.2011

    I like this idea. I don’t want to be the jerk talking about my great day when you had a shout-inducing one, but you said we could say anything, so… I actually had a really nice day with my little dude. We went to story time, played on the tunnel and slide at the mall for the first time (which he LOVED), picked out a new book for him at the bookstore, had lunch out with friends, and then once we got home he took a nap on my lap for 2 1/2 hours while I read a new library book. I think we pretty well kicked Monday’s ASS.

  4. Jett Superior 3.28.2011

    No way, man…that’s totally what I wanted. Nobody tells stories/engages in comments anymore.

    I used to comment publicly lots more because there was conversation. Bring it back, I say!

    I never, ever think that my yell-inducing day should overshadow someone’s blissed-out one. I love that you and your little dude lived it up.

    Please tell me that you own ‘But Not The Hippopotamus’ and he loves it. If not, go buy it, because he so will.

  5. Ginger 3.28.2011

    My day was full of complicated emotions, people at work passing the buck, a blogger trying to cheat my company, a toddler who is still in ultimate grouch mode, a dog who ate a sock, and all around no good feelings.
    But I’ll be honest, you and your yelling on Twitter honestly made me feel a ton better. DAMN are you one of the good ones.

  6. Kacey 3.28.2011

    I’m in an absurdly good mood today, so how about I share a laugh with you?


    ^Richard Simmons’ airline safety video. Seriously. :-)

    (Also? I hope insomnia quits groping you soon, he’s a terrible lover)

  7. Brynne 3.28.2011

    I was going to type out a list of all the stupid shitty shit that has gone on in the first three months of twenty eleven… got to number six and said fuck it…the details are not important.

    A whole lotta shit has happened, but we are doing just fine and we’re happy. After all the shit, we have our family and each other. Things have worked out, even though it’s been a one-thing-after-another kinda year so far.

    The thing we’re dealing with right now/today/this week is this: My beautiful grandmother will be laid to rest on Saturday, after a years-long battle with Alzheimer’s and numerous strokes. She’s not trapped in her body anymore. I, along with the closer members of our immediate family surrounded her as she took her final breath last Tuesday. Today, I have spent most of the day scanning and arranging old family pictures to display at her memorial and I’ll probably do the same tomorrow.

    Still, even right now, I wouldn’t say my life is anything but good. Good friends and family is where it’s at.

    (You should also go look at the photo album I posted on Facebook… My grandma was amazingly gorgeous and fashionable in the 1940’s… I love the pictures we have of her.)

  8. schmutzie 3.29.2011

    The Palinode has taken to, in recent months, clacking his teeth together after a yawn or having a poignant thought, and it makes me think of imminent death, my god.

    Was that complainy enough?

    Now give me my TACKY PACK™

  9. Bejewell 3.29.2011

    Two things about this make me happy:

    (1) It’s an excuse to tell the world about how you once sent me a Balok trading card, for no reason other than just to cheer me up after a shitty week, and it remains to this day my favorite thing I’ve ever received in the mail and

    (2) You used the word “obstreperous,” which I JUST looked up in the dictionary yesterday so there is clearly a lovely invisible connection between our worlds that makes me feel lucky.


  10. Jen O. 3.29.2011

    So, I’ve got this weird thing going on with my eye right now. I THINK it’s lack of sleep, but I’m wondering if I need to update my glasses prescription. It’s like a burny/throbby thing right in the back. Not quite a headache, but more pressure than usual. I’m not worried about it, it’s just distracting. And now that I think about it a bit, my vision is tunnelling a little. That’s weird. Huh. I just googled my symptoms and have been told that the only cure is…


  11. Elly Lou 3.29.2011

    Watching Jed Clampet dance is like watching Kermit the Frog ride a bike. Skinny, skinny legs! Also, you can call me Elly May if I win the Tacky Pack. I’ll dance too. But my legs aren’t that skinny. My fingers aren’t that skinny. Yeesh.

  12. Cherie Beyond 3.29.2011

    I am in a severely mojo-less place right now, probably everyone else in America is all “Spring! Spring is here!” and yet there’s still two foot of snow on my personal goddamn crocuses. Which are my saviors, by the way, crocuses are. I plant them so that they will save my life every March. That is their job, to save my life in March. That’s their sole purpose. And yet it is now almost April and they are still under two feet of snow. So perhaps that is the mojo problem.

    BUT. I’m trying to push through so here I am, rambling without a point, just so that I can be publicly seen as pushing through.


  13. britni 3.29.2011

    It’s morning, Jett. Early-ish, AND i HAVEN’T HAD MY COFFEE (well, I didn’t intend for that all to be in caps but it fits, so it stays). I’m in college. I’m a science major. I like science, and knowing facts, and applying those facts to life via the scientific method. Last night I realized that the course load I’m taking this term will require me to write 24 papers. That’s 24 sets of words that PROBABLY aren’t facts, and might even include things like “critical inquiry” and “interpret this painting” and “review this book”. UGH. I CRINGE.

  14. Laszlo Xalieri 3.29.2011

    I understand first hand the trauma of rounding the 40 bend. I think I made the transition okay, though it’s been a rough few years since then, including a broken-up marriage and an uprooting and an accidental move to New York City. It feels kind of old for starting completely over, but what can you do? At least I don’t have to go through my first twenty years again. You know. Unless I feel like it.

    Anyway, here’s a link to a story I wrote a couple of years ago about a rough patch and some dislocation: http://moblog.net/view/878205/manuscript-not-yet-found-stapled-to-a-telephone-pole-near-lenox-mall-atlanta-ga

    Cheers, and welcome to your forties.

    All things considered, it’s not so bad.

  15. Laurie 3.29.2011

    I had a really crappy day, until the yelling started. The yelling really helped, and the Journey.

  16. Melissa 3.29.2011

    So…I’m good. Can’t (or shouldn’t so I don’t jinx myself) complain too much. Recently I’ve taken up running/exercising, which it turns out I love. So all is well in this la-la land. Now, you should send me that TACKY PACK because I can’t even imagine what it could be, and I love to get mail. And my kids would be so jealous if I got a TACKY PACK and the mail turned out to be FOR ME instead of some candy filled parental torture box from the grandparents.

  17. andrea 3.29.2011

    ’tis not very often that i need to google so many words in a blog post.

    so kudos to you for that.

    also, i think sperm causes heartburn. i wanted to write a post about this, but i think people are too delicate to take it. and if i win your tacky pack i can say that it’s because i wrote about the epidemic of sperm heartburn.

    which is fucking awesome.


  18. Rebecca 3.29.2011

    Someone (over the phone) just told me they had lost one of their legs. It was sad but at the same time I kept imagining a pirate.

  19. leel 3.29.2011

    honeybadger wants that TACKYPACK. honeybadger doesn’t give a shit about how funny and cute everyone else’s posts are.

    the end.

  20. EarnestGirl 3.29.2011

    You? this post? & the yelling? Like crocuses & the hippopotamus all at once.

    But Jed’s funny long silver skinny legs skeeve me out just a little. Like he’s going to tip himself over.

    Here is some inky love, use it to as a shield against insomnia when he comes a-gropin’ & stirring you all up about the world’s trouble’s :


  21. Homemaker Man 3.29.2011

    My 2 year old son was screeching his head off in imitation of a whistle today. Piercing, painful. He got in trouble My wife told him to cut it out and it took some firm convincing before he would. Then we heard our 3 yr old daughter whisper “Pman. Do it again louder.”

    And that is the story of how evil is often adorable.

    Hope I’m #6,666

  22. I am mostly just sad that you don’t get to suck any corporate dick. I saw a porn movie like that once.

  23. Dawn B 3.29.2011

    Well, it’s been a yelly stompy fuck you world kinda week. One old friend dead, and another with breast cancer. I’m fluctuating between raging and being just plain old depressed. Whatcha gonna do eh? I feel angry art a-brewing…

  24. Chibi Jeebs 3.29.2011

    Insomnia is a rat bastard. I wish a pox on its house. No, I wish INSOMNIA on insomnia. How’s THAT for evil?

  25. Kelly Normal 3.29.2011

    Well. I had something clever to say about something, but my five year old just wailed loudly in my ear about somebody hurting his armpit and now I have no idea what is going on. Damn kids and their armpits.

    And now the 8 year old just asked the 5 year old for his boots when he’s dead, and the 4 year old is telling the 5 year old that he will be missed when he’s dead.

    Tacky Pack? IT IS MY LIFE.

  26. Natalie 3.29.2011

    Oh, I feel yelly and stompy, but I know exactly why. A job I thought I loved last week has me looking for a new one on Craigslist because I came home sobbing and cracked open a beer for the first time since I was 15. It’s still disgusting.

  27. kleja 3.29.2011

    No way! I was just stomping my feet and rolling my eyes wishing I could just start telling everyone how I’m not the taxi, tour guide, chef, shopper and maid and why does it have to be this way when my family comes to visit – don’t they take care of themselves every other day of their lives? Is this an all inclusive resort and am I the only employee? Anyway, I just ran to my room to hang with the dog for a while but this is even better!

  28. EarnestGirl 3.29.2011

    p.s.: (the back story, for the sake of telling you a story: I should have added that the book from whence the link came? I hold it up like a poultice. Really. There is lavender laid along the spine of certain passages, and yes, this is one of the well-groped ones, not just for love but because it has helped me find my way out of darknesses.)

    p.p.s. this need not qualify as another entry. That would be TACKY.

  29. kitchenMage 3.30.2011


    I feel all hulky and ready to take on the rest of the day. Yeah I know it’s 11.40pm but I am in the mood for an easy goal. (Well crap. I left this page open and now it’s after midnight. This is going to be uch harder than if I had just pressed SUBMIT earlier. Damn!)

  30. Cheryl 3.30.2011

    Jett, I’m so fucking tired and lonely. Did something to my ankle back in mid-February that they didn’t diagnose until last week as a stress fracture in each ankle. Lost my driving foot. Dropped my cell into a tub of bleach water and didn’t get a replacement for over a month. My laptop died. My work laptop died. I had a birthday in there somewhere. It’s cold here and snow is expected to bury us again.

    May I please have a hug?

  31. Cheryl 3.30.2011

    And I forgot to tell you my friend was just diagnosed with stage 4 cancer that’s incurable, except for a miracle. I’m hanging my stompy feet on that miracle. And yelling at god.

  32. Jett Superior 3.30.2011

    God’s okay with yelling. Yelling is honest.

    He wants us to be honest.

    I love you, Cheryl. You are good folk.

  33. Chris Robinson 3.30.2011

    Dragging through the day, dragging through conversations, dragging through food. Then, dragging myself to my car. In the parking lot, something keep hitting me in the back of the legs, down near my ankles. I turn around to look and see that it is my ass.

  34. mommymae 3.30.2011

    ben is giving his sperm to a lesbian couple we love so they can make babies.

    and i can’t wait to stop painting my house, but i still have to finish the trim & doors in my bedroom, the entire laundry room (ceiling, walls, cabinets, doors & trim,) the hallway where we had a new AC unit put in and half of justice’s room, since the yellow isn’t working in there.

    that’s my news.

  35. Lauren 3.31.2011

    Here’s my story. I just got back from the UK last week, and I brought chocolate and a headcold with me. I work from home so I’ve been enjoying both without having to leave my desk. The work I do frequently involves reading and writing fitness articles, and I should win a spectacular, imaginary award for the level of doublethink that allows me to feel no guilt over wallowing sedentary in deskchairs, chocolate, and bathrobes while I do so.

    This weekend, I hope very much to distinguish my existence from last weekend, during which I spoke for upwards of 10 minutes with a man in a DJ booth who neither uses deodorant nor DJs about why he should play that one song by Benny Benassi that’s really good. I had to send my succubus friend in afterwards to talk to the real DJ, and probably she ate him.


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